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For the last few days my ex has been sending me messages using a new account.  I made the mistake of talking to her.  She still has this other guy living with her, but she's been calling me and telling me that she loves me. 

Today she split.  Today was all about how badly I treated her.  She called me picked a fight over old issues.  If she's so happy with this other guy, why bother me about things that happened two or three years ago?  She's telling me that I owe her for some financial help she gave me, but this guy has been living free in her house for a month.  I asked her if he's gotten a job yet, and she changed the subject.   

I'm thinking she's got this freeloader living in her house, and she's angry, so she hunts me down and takes it out on me.

I just had to vent that.  I'm still upset about this.

Hey BlueSpring, It sounds like you could use some help setting Boundaries.  See Tools, above.  Figure out what works best for you.  There's no need for you to be taking upsetting calls from her.

LuckyJim

That has to be upsetting for you. I’m sorry, man. Obviously, there are still some feelings involved. What she’s doing isn’t fair to your feelings. I’d like to echo what Lucky Jim said about setting boundaries. Maybe even a step further and cutting off contact with her.

Evaluate how staying in contact with her makes you feel. You still have feelings for her, but she makes you miserable on purpose. That is her personality and it won’t change.

What is it that made her attractive to you? Why do you still communicate with her?

At first, she was fun and exciting.  She would laugh and bring fun and excitement to any outing.  She also seemed kind and caring, (what a load)  She put up a good facade.

But it didn't take long for that facade to crumble as soon as she had me.  I keep wondering how long it's going to take before she turns on the new jerk.  And then I realized, or I believe this is true, that she keeps torturing me, so that she can keep peace with him.  She treats him like a king because she still unleashes her venom on me.   Has anyone heard of a pwBPD doing that?  Is that one of their things? 

I sent her a very strongly worded message to NOT tell me about him unless it's to tell me he dies a horrible death.  Other than that she needs to leave me alone.  I also told her not to send me anymore insults because I'm not her puppet anymore.  He's her victim, and she needs to dump her crap on him.

I'm still hoping for the day when this crap show those two creeps have going on explodes all over the place and the police carry them both off. 

You showing jealousy probably makes her feel "wanted", she is probably feeding off of it. If she's not devaluing him yet, she will.

That's pretty much what I've been thinking.  She needs to keep testing me to make herself feel secure. And since she doesn't want to reveal the monster to this new jerk, she keeps using me as a punching bag.

I'm thinking that if I keep my distance and ignore her, the faster she'll devalue the jerk.

Sorry to be so angry, but I guess I'm at that stage right now.

Good for you, Blue Spring.  Maybe you could take a break from communications with her, or limit them to email?


Right, those w/BPD are good at it, because they've been doing it all their lives.

I'm sure you  know this already, but you no longer need to replay right away, if at all, when she reaches out to you.  Try pausing and sitting with your feelings, before you respond to her next time.

LJ

Hi LJ,
Yeah, I'll back off from her and all of her crazy.  I haven't been responding to her messages.  Last night while I was at work, she sent me 3 messages and an attempted call.  From what she said in the messages, it's clear that she's split on this new guy, and the devaluation stage has begun.  From what she says, he's talking a lot with his old girlfriend of 10 years.  She told me she's sleeping in another bedroom now.  I know this scene.  It never stops.  It never blows over.  It's going to infect and fester.

So last night, I was basking in the peace and quiet of my own home.  And I'm grateful for it.  I'm miles away from whatever drama explodes.

Great to hear, Blue Spring.  It's relaxing, isn't it, to get away from all the drama?

LJ

Sure is, LJ