BPDFamily.com

This is something I've only been experiencing recently -- my BF will get angry when I ask him questions, specifically if he asks me a question and then I ask a question in return such as "What do you mean?" For example, this morning he asked me, "Did you ever figure out email forwarding?" The question confused me and I was trying to wrap my head around the context, as it implied some prior conversation and I was trying to remember the conversation (he does that a lot -- he's always expecting people to be on his wavelength).

He immediately got angry that I couldn't answer his question and still wouldn't give me more information, so I took a guess as to what he might be talking about, and then he said, "See, you knew all along!" I explained to him that I was trying to help him, but at that point he was already over it and wouldn't let me, saying "nevermind" (I HATE it when he does this).

The last time this happened -- I asked him to clarify a question about dinner, as his question was vague and confusing (I didn't use those words, but it was) -- he got enraged and started insulting me.

I don't get it. In the past, he would get mad when I DIDN'T ask questions. The only thing I can think of is that he thinks I'm deliberately misunderstanding him, but what would my purpose be? Or maybe he feels that I'm insulting his question, which in his head was probably perfectly clear. In general, he is very impatient with people and when they don't see things the way he does, they are "stupid" or any number of negative adjectives.

I regret to say that I did not stay calm but matched his energy and because he was shouting, I started shouting back. He has been having a lot of episodes the last couple of days --- shouting, throwing objects, etc. -- and though they mostly aren't directed at me, I can feel it impacting me emotionally and physically and I'm starting to take on that anger. I also lost it the other day when I was moving quickly because his amped up energy was starting to agitate me and he told me to "calm down."

Yes, you are not alone here. It's as if the need for clarification is an accusation of being unclear. And clearly, that is not the case! Unclearness is clearly going to be my fault due to some shortcoming. Perhaps I wasn't listening or should be wearing a hearing aide. Doesn't matter that wifey is in another room around a corner downstairs and there's a fan running nearby. The frosting on the cake is of course, after turning off the fan, climbing the stairs, and traversing the distance,  the "never mind." I also lose it about 70% of the time yet. Anger is highly contagious. 

Thank you, Manfred! I'm glad I'm not alone. Yes, I think he does take it as a personal slight for sure.