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Title: Boundaries, I honored myself--this is long Post by: juju2 on July 28, 2020, 02:10:22 PM Hi everyone
So I had taken a break from here, no particular reason. What happened that had me enforce boundary: we are meeting once a week. He shares-- I share, we are in a building phase of seeing if there is friendship, and possibly more. --The parenthesis comments are for this BPD group..-- We meet up usually 1-2 hours/week. same day ea.week. I had to miss last week, covid quarentine. during that time, I also was taken off my anti depressant, anti anxiety med for serious side effects...so I have been more emotional. Long story, this week, he shared that his female roommate will likely be moving soon. As soon as a job opens up in her town, she will transfer w the company, she did get an apartment there... he also shared about his weekday nite group meeting, men, and they are studying the Power of Now. How all that matters is right now. The present... (He has been in this for about 4 years--to me it verges on a cult...) He is learning the path of Elkhart Tolle. ((Writing the conversation here, I am sure I am omitting the seguays) I shared that my experience of my concerns between us, matters to me. ---((that he lives with another woman, they have one bed)( one bedroom) ( he prev said there is nothing sexual going on for over a year)---(they have lived together 2 years now) it matters to me -- in OUR relationship. I am at the effect of him and another person. ((this has been new for us that we can share openly topics that have been not shared between us. Elephant in the room stuff... Neither one of us got angry, it was really kind of amazing actually...) What I saw later that nite, is I have been invalidating myself, my boundary. For 2-3 years now. My boundary is: I do not see men who live with another woman... So. We communicate thru texting app in between meet ups... I texted, "I am not interested in invalidating myself and my boundary of ___(see above)___. If at some point, you are free, and want to pursue a relationship with me, I hope you will reach out to me. A lot of what has gone on between us, is what is happening w a 3rd party. She is getting ready to move, you will be going thru a change. You may find yourself missing her, maybe not, or something else... When you do come out the other side of this change, if you want to, please do reach out to me..." I saw my boundary being ignored was invalidating to me and my life. I am the one allowing myself to be invalidated. I have never before had the courage to say what is so for me. Title: Re: Boundaries, I honored myself--this is long Post by: juju2 on July 29, 2020, 05:58:02 AM so yesterday, he texted, right when everything is about to get better.
You do this. He was angry. I remember hearing that when a boundary is enforced, some people will become angry. It doesn't surprise me he acted this way. So we agreed to meet up on the middle of x month, when she will be gone. |