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Title: Adult Child Who Can't Manage but has Child Post by: EdithRose on August 07, 2020, 06:32:34 PM I walk on eggshells all the time with my adult daughter. Her anger is off the charts and she no longer hides it from her young child. I never know "who" I will get when I see her. I worry about them both, but I have difficulty in setting boundries because I feel the need to protect my grandchild. My granddaughter is used as a pawn. My daughter and I have been estranged a couple of times. She won't go for counseling because she thinks she is just "different", a bit "weird", or that it is others who need help, not her. She lives from trauma to trauma. There is a constant push/pull, "I hate you, why don't you spend more time at my place?" with me especially. I admit that I have rescued her too many times. I have enabled. I am at a loss of what to do in many situations because it is not just my adult child I must consider. I know the importance of the caretaker taking care of themselves in order to take care of others, but it is so difficult. And, involving authorities? Forget that! It takes a terrible event for them to make a move anyway. The system is broken.
I feel so alone at times. It helps to hear from others. Thanks for "listening". Title: Re: Adult Child Who Can't Manage but has Child Post by: PearlsBefore on August 09, 2020, 08:26:47 PM Hey :hi:
I'm sorry to hear it sounds like you're going through a really rough time, understandably your pwBPD having their own young child really complicates the "tough love" scenarios - which you obviously already recognize. You could consider possibly validating her anxiety, while playing to her "it's everyone else who is crazy" canard, by offering that if she'll go to a simple "Parents Anonymous" (for parents with anger/violence issues) or therapist/counsellor (neither can diagnose anything, if that's her concern - they are just listeners and advisors)...then you'll also go to one. She may feel less targeted and "different" if she thinks it's just something that you're both doing - and she can even kid herself that she's just attending her appointments because she wants to see you attend yours...but she may end up getting some actual good advice, etc. |