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Title: Spouse splitting Post by: Beba19 on August 12, 2020, 10:30:16 AM Hi what actions (boundaries )to take when spouse is splitting, One simple question to him on “is he taking cold Tylenol now to sleep, use to be an addiction he said he quit, so I asked because I noticed bottle, he says I needed to sleep, I stated but you said you wouldn’t take it anymore (it’s been 3 years since he quit), he stomped off into bedroom, i with fear of further retribution slept apart. In the morning I get this message:
“ I guess while I’m working today you can pack up and head out - it’s hard to keep up with your stander - go see Daughter- I don’t need nobody - and I see you don’t need me I understand I mess up all the Time and it’s not fair for you - Do what you have to do to protect you and Son - I just the biggest PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) up in the world - and will probably never be that man you long for The hell with me” I respond with SET step one am I wrong to have exited last night from potential scene. Trying not to be ransacked emotionally anymore. Title: Re: Spouse splitting Post by: pursuingJoy on August 12, 2020, 02:14:31 PM Hi Beba19! :hi:
Exiting the room is sometimes the best way to handle it. Can you explain how you responded with SET, what you said? Has he said these things before? Title: Re: Spouse splitting Post by: Mutt on August 12, 2020, 02:57:06 PM Hi Beba19,
*welcome* I agree with pursingJoy, sometimes the tools don't work. “ I guess while I’m working today you can pack up and head out - it’s hard to keep up with your stander - go see Daughter- I don’t need nobody - and I see you don’t need me I understand I mess up all the Time and it’s not fair for you - Do what you have to do to protect you and Son - I just the biggest PLEASE READ up in the world - and will probably never be that man you long for The hell with me” You can tell here that it's very binary - he took Tylenol Cold because of insomnia and is very critical of himself. I think that members in this discussion can relate with a time where you slipped and you corrected yourself and it wasn't dramatic, you probably felt some guilt and you were over critical of yourself and thought that it's not worth sweating the small stuff because a lot of it is just that. A couple of things come to mind. How do you deal with the insomnia - one way to deal with it is exercise because it helps you sleep at night. The other thing that I wanted to say that what I quote could probably benefit from validation. What would a response to that look like if you were to use validation? Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating (https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating) |