BPDFamily.com

Tonight I came across this site as I searched for direction in dealing with our adult son with BPD. This is new to us--all of it--and we are learning and very slowly finding our way through the latest crisis with the help of online resources as a therapist who was working with our son until recently. I am hoping we can find support here and learn from the experiences of others. Our son is 27 and in (yet another) toxic relationship, this time his girlfriend is pregnant and due in about six months. He struggles to support himself, much less a family of three, and we are heartbroken that this time his impulsive and irresponsible choices will affect far more than himself. His girlfriend suffers from mental illness as well and they have distanced themselves from family (until there is a need.) Until recently, his manipulation coupled with our fear and guilt have resulted in us coming to the rescue in every way when the consequences of his choices became too painful and difficult for him. We don't want to do that any longer--but now a child is involved. Hearing from parents who have found their way through situations like ours while maintaining healthy boundaries would be so appreciated.

I am sure as you read about others' experience on this site you will see how difficult people find it trying to balance setting boundaries with a loved BPD D or S and supporting a grandchild. There are so many different scenarios; some people are raising the child while going on the merry-go-round in dealing with their own child and this illness. Perhaps thinking about a range of possible scenarios and how you would respond to them might be helpful? For example someone I know cares for their grandchild one night per week - every week. So from 10 am Friday till 4 pm Saturday she cares for the child. It gives the parents a break that they can look forward to and gives her the opportunity to develop a great bond with her grandson. Another person I know goes with the flow (which is much more difficult). She is available to care for the child if and when necessary, but the parents have to deal with any other financial or other issues themselves. 
I am not sure this is helpful. I am just thinking of your situation and, because it is pretty complex I am just thinking that perhaps thinking through 'what if . . . .'might be helpful in at least enabling you to be prepared and to know what boundaries you will set as the situation unfolds. Not easy!