BPDFamily.com

I've refrained from telling close family and friends about my sisters' mental health issues for many years. I always want to protect and support her as best as I can and thought this was the best route forward for her. Now that I've found myself in this little BPD group, I wanted to ask you all what your opinions are on this topic.

I'm not talking about telling many people - just a couple trusted family members/friends. Truthfully, I'm concerned that my sister may be having suicidal thoughts and am considering confiding in some family/friends that communicate with her regularly so that they can be on alert.

(For the record, our immediate family is well aware of the situation but she isn't speaking with us presently.)

If you think your sister may be having suicidal thoughts, I think it's very appropriate to share your concerns with others, especially those in a position to help or monitor her behavior. How much you share otherwise about her behavior or your relationship with her up to this point is up to you. It might be worth reaching out to someone else that she trusts--does she have a doctor or member of the clergy who can help?

Generally speaking, it is a very personal decision, and I'd say that it depends on why you want to share. Are you looking for validation from your trusted family/friends? Are you looking for help or support? Do you feel like it's something that is meaningful to you and by sharing, you're being true to yourself?

I understand how hard it is to protect confidentiality (your sister's and your family's).  It might not be helpful to speak to someone who has no experience with BPD, and therefore can't understand your experience the way you want them to.  If that happens, it can be frustrating for you, and so you may have given up confidentiality without any positive return.  On the other hand, if you share your experience with a professional doctor or clinician, or a clergy member, or some other person who can give you constructive helpful support, and who understands "confidentiality" (and would not misuse or betray it), then it could be helpful.  I think it comes down to how well you know, trust and respect the person you choose to share with.  I have shared my story with my family Dr, my T, my mom's case manager and a geriatric mental health expert, all confidentially.  All those were validating experiences.  I also shared/vented with a best friend once.  That was not a validating experience because the friend (who also knew my mom), couldn't imagine my mom doing the things I shared with her.  People don't understand BPD if they don't have experience with it.  And then there are also people who don't want to hear that kind of stuff, and don't know what to do with the information.  Some may mean well, some may be busy bodies and give bad advice, even if they mean well.  
Hmm.  Are you very familiar with suicide or suicide prevention?  If not, you could consider calling a suicide hotline to get some advice, or talk to your doctor about your concerns and how to move forward. I think you could also speak to family/friend in a very general way without giving away your sister's personal information or mentioning BPD or suicide (which could later be used in possibly unhelpful ways), and just ask them if they have noticed any changes or unusual behavior with your sister, and whether they have any concerns.  Start the discussion - but don't necessarily vent or disclose a bunch of "stuff" you later regret.  I would probably call a suicide hotline for support with how to handle the situation with your sister.  They have a lot of experience with this type of thing.