BPDFamily.com

Hello,

I dated a girl w/ BPD traits for five months ending 9/2/2020.  She said it was all her issues and not me.  She had already jumped back into a relationship with an ex-boyfriend she had previously dated.  I walked away.  She has charmed me multiple times but I do not give her much of a response.  I called her counselor several weeks ago and told her my fears for my ex as well as her children.  I did this out of love and the counselor whom I met once in July told me "I will see you when there is a problem".  My ex has now reached out via email and said we need to talk in person and that she is in town where I live and she wants to meet at 8 in the AM.  She is furious that I voiced concerns to her counselor and her counselor confronted her about what I said.  My ex had told me on 9/2/2020 that she was not happy except on date of birth of her children and had suicidal thoughts.

The counselor told me that our relationship would never work because I am too stable and structured.  She also that my ex is not willing to do the hard work.  I have spent the last month for multiple hours a day trying to understand what just happened.  The love bombing, future faking and devaluation.

I am worried that tomorrow's meeting is going to set me back severely.  It has taken me 30 days to get to a place of hope.

I am looking for a general rule for my approach at tomorrow's meeting.  I want the best for her and her children.

Thanks for your time in advance.
austxus

1. Wait no longer than 15 minutes for her to show up - with a little flexibility if she notifies you that she is running late.
2. No physical violence. You leave immediately if it escalates to violence. No wiggle room on this rule.
3. No third parties. Her boyfriend has no business coming, but more importantly, her children should not be involved in this discussion.
4. Stay on topic, don’t let her pile anything else on there that doesn’t belong.
5. Keep it brief. It took you 30 days to “get to a place of hope,” so if you’re committed to talking with her, spend as little time as you can around someone who makes you miserable.
6. Relax and reward yourself as much as possible afterwards. You need to take care of yourself. I don’t know what that looks like for you, but come up with a few things ahead of time so you have something to look forward to. It’s easier to keep things brief if you have plans later, after all.

This is my opinion anyway. I’m relatively new here, so this is more based on experience rather than tools or techniques. I’m still reading about this stuff myself. Good luck in a few hours.