BPDFamily.com

We have been married a year, together for 2 and best friends long before that. I love her and she is an amazing person. She struggles so much but she really try's for me. She is newly medicated now but went through years unmedicated and no help. She is not in DBT yet I'm hoping we find one soon. I have tried every which way to communicate and be empathetic no matter what is said. I've tried to go about it in every different way to diffuse the situation. Still its constantly I hate you, wish I never met you, I'm the worst and act. I dont know where I stand anymore. I love her and will never abandon her. But how do you know if you are causing the problems or if it is just the disease? I get so confused, I've lost all confidence and I'm really struggling badly. I know shes in more pain than me, I just want to help her.

I've heard a lot of caretakers/loved ones swear by DBT, that it really gave their pwBPD a new lease on life, unique insights, calmed them down with its techniques, etc...but personally I've always been skeptical (my own nearest dBPD refuses to seek any treatment beyond what she envisions "normal people" will seek) - but I'm not convinced DBT specifically would be much help to her anyways.

Medication can definitely help; I saw some pretty negative side-effects with Escitalopram but Alprazolam was a literal lifesaver on more than one occasion and without serious side-effects. I've heard other people say the same about Escitalopram. I've never seen a difference between the namebrand and generic alprazolam, for what that's worth.

You mentioned PTSD - mind if I ask whether it's complex PTSD and/or childhood-sourced, or more recent events? I have varying experience dealing with people with both types, including pwBPDs...although when it comes to comorbidities I am one of those who can have difficulty separating what is the X from the Y - it's more of a subjective art than a science unfortunately.

While I'm prying, I'd also ask whether she's in the 18-25 range, or the 26-49 range? You're welcome not to answer (and for privacy reasons many people prefer to just give ranges, so your loved one doesn't find out you're talking about them online if they ever stalk this board, lol) - but I do find those under 25 and over 25 often have vastly different techniques and rollercoasters from each other so far as BPD goes - and research seems to confirm that.