BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone.

It’s been so long since I’ve been on here. Things were going pretty good (for the most part) with my undiagnosed partner of 3 years.

We had a surprise pregnancy back in July which was quickly followed by a miscarriage. Though he did split around the same time and we had a tough time with it, ultimately he was very kind, loving and supportive.

When we first found out about the pregnancy, we were both extremely shocked. I was very scared to tell him because I knew he didn’t want another child for a few years at least (he has a 7 year old from his first marriage). But he took it in stride and quickly became very excited and even had names picked out.

Fast forward to a few days ago, I found out I was pregnant AGAIN, despite being one two forms of birth control. I was really nervous to tell him but I remembered how well he handled it last time.

I cannot even bring myself to write out our whole conversation, you guys. It ended up being one of the worst nights of my life. He was okay-ish at first, but the more we talked about it, the worse and worse it got. He pushed me away harder than ever before.

Eventually he told me that he just doesn’t want another kid. And “if I choose to have this baby, I’m on my own”. He doesn’t think he can handle two kids at once and has “made up his mind” that the only solution is to just keep taking care of his older son, while I am on my own with this baby. He said he doesn’t even want to meet it. He said that was the only way he wouldn’t run away from everyone or kill himself, because he can’t handle the pressure of two kiddos. He accused me of doing this on purpose. He also tried to break up with me last night but then eventually said he never wanted to do that and was just panicked. I don’t know where we stand now.

I’m disgusted and completely shocked. I knew the news was going to be hard for him but in my wildest dreams, I never imagined he would say anything like this.

This morning isn’t much better. I’m writing this after finally getting him out of bed, where he was a depressed lump.

I have no idea what to do. I’m trying to understand his feelings and figure out a way deescalate this situation. He’s saying SO many things that I don’t think he really means (but who knows). At the same time, I don’t have the energy for this at all and have to take care of my pregnant self.

I feel completely on my own (because I guess I am now) and don’t know how to decide any of this. Please be really gentle in your advice, I’m fragile. Thank you!

Dear Paperinkart,
I am new to this site, so while I cannot offer advice at this time, I want you to know that I am so sorry you are dealing with this.