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TLDR: I nutted inside my bpd ex without a condom and she wasn’t on BC. Said she took plan b but I doubt it. What do you guys think?

So a little background guys. My ex has untreated BPD. We dated for a month about a year ago. Since then it’s been the classic, come back act like she wants something, then leave again. She usually rotates on a schedule of anywhere from 2 weeks-2 months before I hear from her and it’s repeated. Don’t feel much attraction to her tbh, mostly just in it because it’s entertaining at this point. I mean that in the sense I don’t mind chit chatting with her because we do have good conversation. Plus, I do still care a bit but not anything like I did. Not romantic attraction.

Needless to say we ended up talking the last couple weeks, she came over and we slept together. Well in the midst of it, she never mentioned a condom so I just assumed she was on BC (Stupid af I know so spare me the lecture). She mentioned it awhile ago but I still thought it was weird. Well to make matters worse, I finished inside. She wasn’t mad or anything and said she enjoyed seeing me, etc etc. Well later that night she texted me saying she wasn’t on BC. I’m mid 20s with a Bachelor’s and a career so I wasn’t too worried. I told her if she was pregnant I’d be there for her. Well, she said she’d just take plan b and I was like okay then why I even mention you weren’t on BC? She didn’t say PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) to me the next day (Saturday). Then Sunday morning she texts me and says it’s awkward buying plan b and she usually puts off buying it because of that. End of convo. Then later Sunday evening texts me saying, “you’re expensive” because plan b is $50. In my head I was like wait, I thought she already got it? Well, at that point it’s like 48 hours since we had sex. I told her I would’ve bought it for her and I didn’t force her to buy it. Well, she didn’t reply until Monday saying, “it’s not like I’m not going to buy it, I’m not getting pregnant.” That was basically it. She’s been kind of sporadic with texts and blowing me off since we had sex on Friday which I thought was weird. Haven’t heard from her since Tuesday.

All my friends are saying she didn’t take it, and honestly have zero idea if she did or didn’t. The whole situation is a bit sus. I don’t mind being a dad tbh. I heard she had an abortion this last summer (or so she claims, might’ve been made up for attention). I wouldn’t push her to do that, in fact, quite the opposite. I’d just take my kid and go if she wanted that. Have any of you had experience with this? Is it likely she took the plan b or should I just accept I’m probably a father at this point? Any advice or experience would be fantastic.

The only sure way to know is to look her up in 7-8 months.  Even if her future appearance did demonstrate she was very pregnant it could still be someone else's baby, only a DNA test could prove it is or isn't.  But since you typically see her more often than that and you're not fretting too much, a wait and see perspective may be your realistic choice.

How sure are you that she would be willing to abdicate parenting to you?  Her perspective now about children may not be the same after giving birth.  Most dads here on the Family Law board are in intense struggles to be fathers, in and out of court.

With today's laws the mother generally gets to decide whether the baby makes it to birth, fathers can only participate in the act, unable to require either a birth or an abortion. (However, while fathers are somewhat powerless between conception to birth, fathers are generally required to provide child support, not optional nor gender-fair.)

Another angle to be prepared for.

pwBPD are usually big on recycles (coming back for more).  So..think through the future for you...now, so you can be more clearheaded in the moment.

Best,

FF