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Title: all it terrible then all is fine - how do I take this? Post by: bpdwife1000 on November 09, 2020, 02:00:13 AM My husband has bpd.
Life is so confusing. He keeps going in cycles - cycle 1 - he finds something (even small ) and this becomes the worst thing in the world and whether it has to do with me or not - I am the worst wife in the world and he has lots of complaints to me and hates my personality. This usually lasts a few days to two weeks (where he usually stonewalls me but with comments that are emotional abuse) . - then at the end he calls me in that he wants to speak (communication right?) and then tell me all the things I did wrong and why he is upset. (I learned not to respond back but just listen - and i try to validate the one valid point vs all the invalid) He doesn't ever apologize. After this he switches back to regular husband mode. this is so confusing to me - during his bad times - it's terrible living with him for me and the kids and I often consider divorce - but then he switches back... Can anyone help me understand this and is there any hope of this stopping. (he is in dbt therapy) Title: Re: all it terrible then all is fine - how do I take this? Post by: once removed on November 11, 2020, 01:09:37 AM this may sound counterintuitive, but the best advice i can give you is not to get caught up in cycles.
what do i mean by that? i mean that you love a difficult person. i mean that a lot of the things youre describing here, to lesser or greater degrees, are a part of who he is, and unlikely to change. and if you over invest in the good times, or the bad times, or you try to anticipate how they will play out, you will completely and utterly exhaust yourself. improving these relationships is really about not running around trying to put out each fire that starts, but overall fire prevention. Title: Re: all it terrible then all is fine - how do I take this? Post by: bpdwife1000 on November 12, 2020, 01:03:01 AM that's what i tried to do but then he felt like I was ignoring him
but I really can't get caught in all of it. |