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My BPD wife was arrested for attacking me back in September. She has characterized this as fighting back and standing up to her abuser. I used to drink heavily after she went to bed to drown my feelings about all the gaslighting. She's splitting and has reduced me to an alcoholic abuser. I've been sober for a year and she says she'll believe it when I am not in a self reporting sobriety program. She's threatened to kill herself in the past, has fired two therapists for recommending DBT, lost it on her prescribing psychiatrist for suggesting Lithium, and spent 3 years in bed >50% of the time. I know I can't help her see her disorder.

We have two beautiful kids 7 and 8 and are nesting right now (week on/off). I am really worried about her splitting and what she is saying to the kids. Its already having a huge impact on my son. I am considering consenting to and paying for a full mental health assessment for both of us thats barred from court in an effort to get her a diagnosis. She's burning all her long term relationships. Is it worth a shot?

Hi Lost in translat - Welcome:

Congrats on your sobriety!  It's important for you to take care of yourself - for your welfare and that of your children.

I'm not sure what you mean by nesting?  You indicate you are separated.  Are the children with you one week and then her the next?

What's going on with your son?

What do you wish to accomplish?  Get her into treatment?  Some type of court action or possibly both?

Be sure you understand what mental health eval. you invest in and what the options are.  I've read that there can be two types of mental evaluations.  One is more superficial, with lesser qualified evaluators.  The more expensive and in-depth one is performed by higher qualified individual.  Best to have the most qualified evaluators, with BPD traits involved.