BPDFamily.com

After joint counseling (that turned into just me after 3 sessions) I am fairly certain my husband has BPD. When my therapist talked to me about it and led me to books/articles, I was in tears and felt as though I was reading about my courtship and marriage.

The divorce threats started weeks after the wedding. Which happened 6 months after our first date.

The cycle had been about every 3 weeks, then every 2, and recently we couldn't go a week. First it was too much drinking...I stopped. Then it was hiding something...I gave him full access to phone/email/computer and even changed my cell so he could manage who had it. I knew this wasn't normal, but I was trying to make him feel secure. He had told me of his abandonment fears and the fear of being cheated on as well as crushing insecurities. But only in times of calm...if I say that to him now he will deny it.

This time he has said he filed and is done. That was 10 days ago. He did not file. His family has surrounded him telling him it is all me. He has lied to them to validate his actions and of course I am a monster...Our therapist believes she knows someone to can help. Based on his moments of clarity when he seems to know his thoughts are not sensical. His family has me blocked everywhere. He has me blocked everywhere. I love him. I will absolutely admit I struggle with Codependency, but to be honest, I don't think anyone else would have stayed. He has 3 previous relationships (2 marriages) and all three left him and cheated. I don't know if any of it is true.

I don't know what to do, but I love him and would forever. How do I urge him to try to get help?

I wish I had answers for you.  I've come here just as confused and sad.  I feel the same for my husband.  We've been together 17 years, married 9, three kids.  I don't know how to make it all work.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I'm sorry I don't have more for you.