BPDFamily.com

I’ve got a sibling with bpd. They’ve experienced a lot of trauma in the past few years, which has greatly exacerbated the bpd symptoms. We’ve been very low contact for awhile now. Ended up talking tonight and it wasn’t great. I felt like a deer in headlights the entire time. Sweating, trying not to say the wrong thing yet stand up for myself. It was hard. I’m on another support site but it seems to be mainly people that are romantically involved. I’m looking for others that might have experiences with siblings, parents, etc. Thanks for listening.

I also have a BPD sibling and I relate to the experience you are having.  I can say that therapy with a therapist who understands this disorder has helped me, as have a time-limited NAMI training/support group and this board, which I have only been on a little while.  I've finally given up looking for a "solution" and am just now looking to increase the number of peaceful interactions and my own internal peace (knowing even that won't be perfect).  With sympathy...

You are not alone in feeling like a deer in the headlights when trying to communicate with your sibling with BPD. I have a brother with BPD, a sister with NPD, and my mother with BPD passed away a year ago. I have learned through many years of turmoil to set boundaries with my many disordered relatives including limiting my contact with them, ending the conversations when they are blaming me for their distressing feelings, not expecting any kind of reciprocal empathetic communication, and not taking it personally how they mistreat me. The biggest challenge for me was to realize that people with BPD dump their overwhelming feelings onto others, that we can be easily affected by how another person is feeling if we don't protect ourselves emotionally. I am now more of an observer of their behaviors, and less of an emotional partner in the dynamics. You are taking the first steps in letting your sibling take responsibility for their emotional dysregulation while looking for how to not be so affected by their melt downs and blaming you for how they feel about themselves. There are many members on this site who have similar experiences with siblings and family members with BPD. Do read other threads on PSI and you will find many members with challenges with siblings with BPD that are similar to yours. Keep us posted on how you are doing and let us know how we can be the most helpful.