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Title: Conflict resolution Post by: dharmabum on December 04, 2020, 05:18:02 AM Hi. Nice to make your acquaintance. I picked up the book Stop Walking on Eggshells yesterday. I'd just left my partner's house after another confusingly irrational exchange and there the book was on the shelf of a second-hand bookshop. A message from the universe? I read a hundred pages straight off. What it did was confirm that indeed yes Borderline Personality is present here. I also saw in myself the traits of the non-borderline. I realise my responsibilities in this dynamic but it is so exhausting to constantly be held to account, to then be required to talk through endlessly every dissatisfaction that she feels around something I did or didn't do. As I said at the beginning I can only describe these exchanges as irrational and confusing. Which is of course the very same accusation she makes of my efforts to communicate. I understand my responsibility not to get frustrated but so difficult when you go round in these circles. I would describe her as having a pathological need to be right. I think I understand where this comes from and has to do with her gaining some sense.of control within her often out of control self. I do want this relationship to continue. We have already been together 5 years. We did have a 6 month break this year. What to do? Constant conflict seems to be it; interspersed with those good times that of.course exist else why would I bother. There is no way I could mention the idea of BPD to her. She does have an ADHD diagnosis though.
Title: Re: Conflict resolution Post by: beatricex on December 04, 2020, 07:07:16 AM hi dharmabum,
Your post may soon be moved to the Relationships section (it is now in Children, Parents or Relatives with BPD > Son/Daughter with BPD), but thank you for posting. I forget sometimes, that my BPD'd mother and my wonderful/nice/loving codependent father, do love each other. I do understand the "Fight to the Death" need to be right and the very controlling nature of this mental illness. I didn't understand it for years, it was just annoying and/or very damaging to me as as a child. I am now a grown women with step children/step grandchildren of my own, so I suppose we can overcome anything, even an invalidating mother. If you do decide to have children with this women (or man, if that is the case, hard to tell from your handle/post), you will need to be the stable parent for your kids. My Dad is great, it is maybe a gift that I do have a great relationship with him and it could be because he was always trying to get away from my Mom with me and my 5 siblings - or she was driving us away (I Hate You Don't Leave Me). We spend a lot of time with my Dad without her growing up, I have a lot of great memories of hiking/backpacking/camping with him and we're still close. His is close with all of us kids, weirdly. :hug: b |