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Title: I want her back Post by: TheSquid on December 12, 2020, 06:53:22 AM My now ex girlfriend and I broke up and a week later we found out she has BPD. We still talk and I hope one day to be able to get back together but she says she doesn't want to add anyone into her life because she knows she will sabotage it. Had I known when we broke up, what I know now I don't think we would have broken up. I thought I was being mistreated, and didn't understand why I was being treated the way I was. I regret this break and I do love her. I've since bought books and done research. We've had a few outburst, where she's said really hurtful things but still I love her. Everyone in my life tells me that this isn't healthy and that I need to move on but for some reason I don't want too. I feel like I'm a yo-yo and sometimes she's throwing me down, further away from her and other times she's pulling me back up closer to her. I would really love advice on how to support her in the correct way and tips for de-escalating. Really just any help at all as to how I can manage this relationship in a healthier way. She is currently searching for a therapist and has not yet started DBT. Or should I just back away from this and save myself the heartache?
Title: Re: I want her back Post by: Rev on December 12, 2020, 08:18:59 AM My now ex girlfriend and I broke up and a week later we found out she has BPD. We still talk and I hope one day to be able to get back together but she says she doesn't want to add anyone into her life because she knows she will sabotage it. Had I known when we broke up, what I know now I don't think we would have broken up. I thought I was being mistreated, and didn't understand why I was being treated the way I was. I regret this break and I do love her. I've since bought books and done research. We've had a few outburst, where she's said really hurtful things but still I love her. Everyone in my life tells me that this isn't healthy and that I need to move on but for some reason I don't want too. I feel like I'm a yo-yo and sometimes she's throwing me down, further away from her and other times she's pulling me back up closer to her. I would really love advice on how to support her in the correct way and tips for de-escalating. Really just any help at all as to how I can manage this relationship in a healthier way. She is currently searching for a therapist and has not yet started DBT. Or should I just back away from this and save myself the heartache? Hey there my friend... Lots of great questions here. Hard to answer them without some context. So would you mind if I asked you a few more of my own? How long were you together? How did you meet? Did you or do you live together? Are you yourself in therapy and would you consider going for yourself as she does? Rev Title: Re: I want her back Post by: TheSquid on December 12, 2020, 11:30:24 PM Thanks for the reply!
We were together for 2 month but have been talking for about 5 months. We met on a dating app called bumble. No we didn't live together. I am in therapy already. Title: Re: I want her back Post by: Rev on December 13, 2020, 06:58:06 AM Thanks for the reply! We were together for 2 month but have been talking for about 5 months. We met on a dating app called bumble. No we didn't live together. I am in therapy already. Hey Squid, So what does you therapist say? Sounds like you are at the beginning of something so it's really hard to say anything based on what you've shared here. If you are both in counselling, and it is this new, it's a great time to really look at your own life and what kind of person you want to share it with. Rev Title: Re: I want her back Post by: Rev on December 13, 2020, 06:58:52 AM And... it's a great time to ask yourself what kind of person you want to be... and perhaps most importantly ...why that is.
I really believe that everyone should, from time to time, do the deep searching to answer the following three questions: 1) What do I believe? 2) Why do I believe it? (This can be the toughest one to answer) 3) What are my behaviors that reflect those beliefs? Best of luck. Rev |