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Does anyone have any advice on this classic deflection/excuse?

"You telling me not to go drink only makes me think about drinking more"
"You push my buttons and it makes me go crazy"

These may be two separate issues, BPD and alcoholism.  But I know they're often both present.

1) What category of denial/excuse/blame is this?

2) Is there any specific method for handling this more effectively?

I used to be so passive. I belong to a twelve step group and have learned that I tend to be a bit codependent, but now I have to watch myself because I tend to be more blunt. I would say something like this:

• Drinking is always your choice. It is not my choice, so I'm going to do something else.
• We can always chose what to do and think. Always.

Mature people take responsibility for themselves. I wouldn't go so far as to say that with most people, but that's something for you to process.

A therapist friend of mine (not my therapist) has a saying, "I don't do crazy. I define what crazy is." If someone is coming up with crazy things like you describe, you don't have to agree. Ever.

Sounds like "selective incompetence" and/or "abdication of responsibility" (as MeAndThee29 hinted at) to me.

Selective incompetence:

"You telling me not to go drink only makes me think about drinking more"

I.e., you have amazing 100% power over the other person in this situation.

But in other situations, they are competent:

Imagine telling that person "don't go crash the car while you're driving". Are they really going to say "wow, when you say that, I have no power any more, and I just am going to crash the car, because when you say that, it's all I can think about"

Or:

You: "Don't forget to brush your teeth"

Them: "Ugh, now I HAVE to forget to brush my teeth, because you told me not to, and you have so much power over me that when you say something, I just can't stop thinking about forgetting to brush my teeth"

Unlikely, eh? And not happening in other areas of life? Yeah, selective incompetence.

...

Abdication of responsibility:

"It's not my problem that you say something I don't like and then I keep thinking about it and doing it. It's your fault! You caused it, it is not my responsibility."

...

Both "selective incompetence" and "abdication of responsibility" have a similar "victim" flavor:

"What could I do? I had no choice. It was totally out of my control. I couldn't have done anything else. Are you really going to blame me?"

...

MeAndThee29 made great suggestions about facing those attitudes head on, in a way where you take responsibility for yourself appropriately, and decline to pick up their responsibility


So great.

You could ponder if the following would be effective:

"Wow, I really have a lot of power over you, don't I?"

That might be pushing it... depends on who the other person is.