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Well, I stopped by her apartment today at lunch to ask about Christmas present and see if she found my shirt. I knocked on the door and when she open the door some new guy was there. I was hurt and upset. I told her I just stopped by and then I just threw my arms up in the air and just said nevermind walked off really upset. I got in my car and started leaving and she came out waving for me to stop. I stopped and rolled down my window and she told me she found my shirt and she had finished the quilt she had promised me. She gave me those and the sweater for my son. At the first of the month when we were together and planning Christmas together she bought us matching sweaters for her and her kids and me and my son. Like a family. She gave me these things through the window and I just threw them on the seat and left. In the past when she breaks up with me she would unfriend me on Facebook and at one point she blocked me for a year-and-a-half. This time she kept me as a friend but put me on a restricted list so I couldn't see most of her post and only a few of her pictures. Today I went in and just blocked her. I feel like I was lied to. I feel that she was probably talking to this guy while she was with me and broke up with me to go be with him. To me that is cheating.

Now what? Are you wanting to find a way to let go of your feelings for her, or do you still hope for a reconciliation?

To be honest I really don't know at this point.

Tonight I had a company dinner and on my way to it I stopped by her apartment and knocked on the door. When she came to the door I handed her the quilt she made for me and the two sweaters that she bought for my son and I told her I didn't want her quilt or her sweaters. I told her I felt like I had been lied to and betrayed. As I walked off I told her things were different between us now.

Right now I am a mess of emotions. I am angry, hurt, sad, confused, depressed, feelings of hopelessness, overwhelmed, jealous, missing her, and second-guessing myself wondering if I overreacted.

The thing that upsets me is a while back she asked me if any of the girls that I dated or was talking to before we got back together was still there. Basically asking if I still chat with them and was keeping one lined up in case things didn't work out. I told her no. I quit talking to them when we got back together. I asked her the same thing and she said no. I now feel that she was lying. She breaks up with me and a week later she is with someone else?

She got upset at me and told me we needed space right before Thanksgiving. She still wanted to spend Thanksgiving together though. We did and we cuddled, made dinner had a great time, and we did have sex. After we had sex she started crying and said she was so confused about us. I comforted her and everything seemed okay. It seemed like we were still together.

Somewhere towards the end of the next week when I went in to see her at the pharmacy desk in Walmart where she works, while I was talking to her some guy went out of his way to walk by and say hi to her. When he seen me he kept walking. That weekend she stayed at my house and we had a good time together. Sunday however she informed me that that same guy needed to call her because he was struggling with things. I went outside and worked on some of my stuff. About in the middle of the next week she started acting different. Not telling me she loved me back and things like that. When I finally confronted her she got upset at me and then she told me it bothered her that we acted like we were still together when we weren't. I guess I mistook things.

When she told me we needed a break and this time when she told me we were not together, both times after I left and went back to work she sent me a text telling me that she loved and cared about me. The second time she said she would be there as a friend. She came down and got her stuff and that weekend I took the rest of her stuff to her. We talked and it seemed like it went really well. A few days later when we talk she thought it would be best if I just stayed away. A week later she is with this guy. I'm not sure but I'm thinking it's the same guy.

I think she had been talking to him and lining him  up while we were together. Who knows how long she had been talking to him.

Only a couple of weeks ago she told me she thinks I'm the love of her life. She's told me she wanted to marry me. When we got back together in August, she told me that during our 9 months apart that she dated a couple of guys but none of them she connected with on a deep level like she had with me. I question if all of these were lies too.

After giving her the quilt back and the sweaters back tonight and telling her that I doubt I will hear from her again. Even if I wanted it to work sometime later it probably upset her and pushed her away for good.

So today I am riddled with guilt. I feel like I overreacted. Honestly what she is doing now is none of my business because we are broke up. Whether she was talking to this guy or not while we were together I do not know. I feel like maybe I should go apologize. Tell her I was reacting out of deep pain and fear. Tell her that deep down I do want to be with her and it hurt. I couldn't be. Tell her congratulations on moving on and wish her the best with the new guy. Tell her because I do care about her and I want her to be happy I have to stand aside and let her go so she can find her happiness. I don't know. What do you think? Or is it best that I just stay awake and not say anything? She might just react with anger towards me now or not even talk to me. Would time apart and letting it to heal before I apologized be better or would I be better to do it now? She said in the past that the longer I let things go the more her mind races and the more messes with her. But then it has seemed that in the past the when I give time between us if it helps with these feelings of anger from her. Or is it best I just don't apologize at all? The damage is done and just let it be? Hope she may forgive me in time? I don't know what to do at this point and my anxiety is through the roof. I got very little sleep last night and I can't get this off my mind. I'm having a hard time concentrating because of it.