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Title: Struggling a bit Post by: AnonFamily on December 25, 2020, 07:35:13 PM Hi there,
It feels a little weird to be here and writing this post. I've been going through Stop Walking on Eggshells with my therapist for a few months now. Setting boundaries has been uncomfortable but fine. Until a few weeks ago when my parent with BPD had a major episode and then illuded to killing themselves. This has happened twice before but this time I knew the right thing to do was call 911. It caused a MAJOR rift. I reached my breaking point and told them I couldn't be their friend or therapist especially when they are threatening to hurt themselves. Then the next day, aside from a little bit of silent treatment, they were basically acting as nothing happened! I invited both of my parents to my house for Christmas eve but they declined, which was ok. I was prepared for that. This morning I planned to go to their house for a few hours then go to a movie alone like I normally do on Christmas day. I wasn't planning on going back to their house after the movie. When I told my parent that I wasn't planning on coming back, the look on their face was really hurt. It felt really awful packing up the nice gifts they'd given me and driving off. I almost went back over there after the movie but turned around and went home because I dont want to give in to guilt. It is normal for adults to spend half a day with their family on Christmas and go home or off to another engagement, right? It hurts knowing I hurt my parent. I cannot tell where the lines are between emotional manipulation and reality. I think im looking for validation but more so im looking for hope that it gets better. That it is possible to have a healthy relationship with a BP and have boundaries...that those boundaries wont always hurt so much? Title: Re: Struggling a bit Post by: GaGrl on December 25, 2020, 10:00:31 PM Yes, absolutleyly, y poo u are drawing healthy boundaries. It might feel strange if they have had expectations otherwisr.
You are not responsible for your parent's emotions. You don't need to feel their emotions for them. Title: Re: Struggling a bit Post by: Turkish on December 25, 2020, 10:36:38 PM I'd be interested in what your therapist thinks of this lasts interaction. From how you describe it, this sounds like a dysfunctional dance, likely you've been doing a long time, implicitly "trained" to do in order to survive.
She requires "rescue," you're sick of it so call 911 maybe both worried, and to call a possible bluff. She (?) And your other parent get over it remarkably quickly, yet the "dance" falls into familiar steps... you invite, they refuse, so you acquiesce. You can only handle so much, so you see a movie (I can relate), yet even though it's self care for you, they likely felt hurt by the abandonment. Both of you wrestling for control, or at least emotional peace, yet neither side satisfied. Both sides "talking past each other" so to speak? It's hard when hurt, and all of us arrive here hurt. People with BPD are hurt long before they have kids. What boundaries have you and your T been working on? |