BPDFamily.com

My mother has many traits of BPD. One minute she is sweet,  kind and loving and the next she is stomping around with such negativity, acting like everyone is talking about her behind her back and judging her and how she does everything.
She verbally makes negative comments about herself constantly but in a way as if I think and feel that way or have said something to that effect.
It's a constant battle to even have a conversation with her. She'll ask me a question, I get one word out and she lets out a groan or sigh and storms off and I'm left dumfounded. I constantly feel bated into conflict with her. The worst part is she is here to help me because I have an illness and can't do daily chores even cooking for myself. If I send her home she will be constantly worried about me and my health and blame herself for not helping me get better /or "making me sicker" but she is causing me so much stress and anxiety (and no, I've never told her that she's effecting me like this but I'm sure she can see it). I was at total peace in my life before she came and I feel like all the emotional work I've done to overcome my childhood has all been undone. I Don't know what to do. I need to be able to focus on my health so I can heal. All my relationships in my life are great and healthy. I wish my relationship with my mother was too

Hi Sunshineandsunfl,

Welcome to our online community :hi:

I am sorry to hear the relationship with your mother is so problematic. You are already dealing with your own health issues which is difficult enough, and your mother's behavior unfortunately only seems to make things harder for you.

The BPD traits you see in your mother, does she only exhibit them with you or also with others?

You mention being sure your mom can see how much stress she causes you. The thing with BPD though is that part of the illness is having distorted perception and thinking, and often also a focus on one's own thoughts and emotions. I remember one time I was in physical pain, and my uBPD mom was oblivious to it, she didn't register it at all. When my sister came by she noticed it right away though, and my mother reacted shocked and then guilty and also ashamed because she was not able to tell that her own child was in pain.

Your mother is currently there to 'help' because of your health issues. How long do you think you will require help? Are you dealing with a long-time condition or something that you see healing in the foreseeable future?

Take care :hug:

The Board Parrot