BPDFamily.com

I’ve been reading about how to handle people with BPD and it says to give lots of support and validation and show you care.

Do you have any family or friends you can possibly go live with? Sounds like a really unhealthy situation thats not going to be solved in the short term.

That advice is when you are in a relationship and trying to repair it so it can work.  If you have decided the relationship, the marriage, will have to end, then you of course your prime goal is to protect yourself and your child and proceed on the path toward unwinding the relationship.  You have no obligation to subject yourself of the children to seriously bad behavior.

Be aware that courts are reluctant to block the misbehaving parent from parenting altogether.  Depending on the level of abuse or discord, the court may issue a temp order to give some distance apart and structure for how the kids  have visits, how long, whether overnights, etc.  If supervised visits are ordered, even temporarily, then it would be best for you that a neutral but trained professional do the supervision.  You won't want to do it and probably you won't trust his relatives to do a good job of it.

My entire post didn’t post again and I don’t know why—can someone help? Here is my post in its entirety:

I’m dealing with the very difficult situation of my estranged spouse continuing to live in the same house. He cheated on me and refuses to take any responsibility for his actions, shows zero remorse and will not accept that our marriage is over. He tries to blame me instead and claims I didn’t try hard enough to make the marriage work. Our children want nothing to do with him especially after a belligerent outburst he had recently during which he screeched obscenities at me within earshot of the children. I took the children to see him recently and he ended the visit by trying to hug our older son and asking if he loves him. My son replied, I don’t know and got away from his dad real fast. My estranged spouse then started crying and said, please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me! I almost felt bad for him but I remembered all the horrible things he’s done to us and all I felt was that he is so manipulative.

I’ve been reading about how to handle people with BPD and it says to give lots of support and validation and show you care. I do NOT care about him and wish he would go away and never bother us again. He can’t take a hint that none of us want him here and that I never want to see him again. I hate that I have to deal with him at all and feel that all his actions are designed to make me miserable (this week he drained almost all the money from our bank account to his own newly opened  account just to spite me). What to do?

You are probably in a stage of relationship breakdown for which that advice seems to come from another planet.

Stages of relationship breakdown: https://bpdfamily.com/content/your-relationship-breaking-down

It is not realistic to give support and validation when you are feeling contempt and or fear.


That sounds more like a plan of action than spite, which implies he is doing it solely to hurt you.

Have you discussed divorce with him?

Do you have access to other funds for now?