BPDFamily.com

My ex broke up with me around 3 weeks ago, blocked me everywhere. Fine! I understand but the breakup was so out of the blue. Like one afternoon she told me she loved me so much and never wanted to lose me to switching off her phone and waking up the next morning she told me she doesn't wanna do this anymore. I was shattered (still am). I suspect she has BPD (amazing love bombing phase, trying to incorporate what I liked in her life, marriage and kids way too early in the relationship, extreme mood swings like she would have a breakdown over the smallest of things and I ended up taking care of her, no real friends, super low self-esteem etc etc) She would almost behave like a child and would have black and white view of everything. She would literally think something's wrong if I forgot to say 'I love you' or my wifi is not connecting. She literally cried like a child when I said I couldn't videocall her because my phone wasn't charged. She even complained to her mom about this. She lied (classic) about meeting up with ex-boyfriends and I still wanted to make this work.

Yes, I tried to be there for her whenever she needed me or whenever she had a breakdown, I was always the first person she called. I was tired of taking care of her all the time but it was nice to feel needed. Not to mention the classic push-pull dynamic during the breakup: she told me she was going to leave me, I cried she cried but I accepted and sent her a lovely final text as some closure. She literally calls me back the next second and told me not to leave her and she would literally die alone and kill herself (level of minf*ck was absolutely insane). I had no idea what to do, I was panicking, crying, exhausted because I hadn't slept the night before because she called me crying and was having a panic attack. She told me she needed a break but I just thought she needs to emotionally distance herself and told her it won't be the same and decided to call it quits.

Now one of my mutual friends talked to her yesterday and she told him how much I hurt her and she has to go to therapy because of me and wants absolutely nothing to do with me anymore. All I did was be there for her, supported her, she told me I was family and the best thing that ever happened to her? Just one misunderstanding that I said something about her friend set her off. Why not communicate? Why go running to your mother who has no idea who I am or how I treat her and what I have to put up with? Its like someone sucked the life out of me these last 3 weeks. I tried reaching out and but she refuses to answer. I am guessing she's already over me by now and doesn't really care if I live or die anymore. How is this normal? After all the marriage talk for months and months and she discards me like I meant nothing to her.

I do wanna reach out to get some kind of closure and maybe ask her to get some professional help because I care about her. Her ex-housemate asked me not to do it because he told me there's no way I can deal with her rationally, she would just cry and ask me to F off. She's so triggered by me now she even blocked me from her client's facebook page that I used to like to show her support. It's like she's trying to erase the last 6 months and just doesn't care what happens to me. Everything in less than 12 hours btw from I love you so much and I would never leave you to ghosting me less than 12 hours after. What even is real? I wonder if she even loved me in the first place.