BPDFamily.com

Hello I have 25 year old son that I believes has bpd.  I am seeking advice / help as I am at a loss.  I have tried everything to get him help but struggle with having him follow through.  Everyday I am told I don’t care and do nothing as he needs help.  It is a vicious cycle.  Any help would be greatly appreciated as I don’t know what else to try but more importantly have him follow through.  Thanks

Welcome!
Here is something for you to peruse through from this forum. 
https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

These are just suggestions, not guarantees.  The bottom line is that we can't force our adult BPD kids into therapy, sadly enough.  What we can do is get help for ourselves first which in turn may directly/ indirectly help the adult BPD.

Does he live with you? 

hi Hopefulmominneed,
Your details are a bit scant, but I think we get the idea.

Your son blames you for his problems, you offer suggestions/help, crickets.

I am speaking from a place of truth when I say this:  I know your pain.  Do you know it's not your job to care for him, since he's 25?  That job ended when he turned 18.  And guess what?  you did your best

I think instead of focusing on him, I'd suggest therapy for yourself or maybe Al-Anon? 

I don't typically make suggestions, but I get the feeling you might just read a few responses then disappear (I hope not, but your initial post was just so brief).  So I want the take-away to be clear.  It's your job to take care of you, and his job to worry about him.
 :hug:

b

Yes he lives with me.  I do see a therapist and she tells me also that he needs to figure out what works for him.  The issue with that is it goes no where.  What pulls at my heart strings is he says to me almost daily he does not know what to do and needs help.   The issue is that whatever suggestion I make a receive a negative response.  I was able to get him into a DBT /CBT center for counseling about 2 years ago.  He went for about 8 visits.  He told me the therapist said that unless he comes 2 x a week she cannot see him.  As you can imagine that came to an end.  I am trying to find a way to converse with him and educate him that he needs help.

I want to respond to the comments that you made about your son looking to you to solve his problems. My daughter does this with me.  I teach at the college level so I work with 20 somethings. One of the developmentally challenging things for many young adults is realizing that the world is messy and complex, there isn't one right answer, people can't "fix" other people, and adults usually don't have THE one right answer that can help someone. It's challenging for neuro-typical young adults and probably worse for people with BPD. It sounds like your son feels helpless and is angry that you can't fix him. I've recently started talking with my daughter about this developmental step and emphasizing that I love her and wish I could make her feel better but that this is her journey and as adult she needs to figure out what will work best for her. I told her that I will walk the journey with her and that the experienced people in her life (both professionals and loved ones) can help her think, but only she can determine what will work best for her. She seemed to connect with this idea for a little bit but then she started sobbing that she's never going to get better. We'll see how this works out...