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My undiagnosed BPD wife is divorcing me after 30 years. The first 10-15 years were very good, the last 10-15 years have gotten exeedingly worse. We went to marriage counselling for a couple of months before she walked out in a rage. After that I started therapy and have been in that for two years.  Our children are grown and moved out. She has had some success in alienating them.

Here lies my delema. I really liked being married and caring for my wife before she became abusive. I am 60 years old and want to travel and have a committed female companion and ultimately wife. I still have some PTSD and the divorce is not final. I have a friend who wants me to date her friend and since I know this woman and her good character I am VERY interested.
I was told that she said she wants to date me after the divorce is finalized.
I will of course  wait until the divorce is over. The woman is my age, attractive, and holds the same religious, political, and moral beliefs as me. My friend says "You are perfect for each other".

I have to be careful about fantisizing about once again having a normal relationship with a woman again. "How was your day?" "Great. How was your day?". "Wonderful." It has been a decade since I had that conversation with a woman. My STBX is very self-absorbed.

How do I prepare for that first date? How do I keep from wrecking it? How much do I tell her about my marriage? We have a lot of the same friends, so she already knows some things.

How do I keep from being overwhelmed with normal emotions? I am excited about finding a good woman, but afraid.

I am so wanting to have a good relationship and I am terrified that this woman will think that I am too broken to date.

Please don't think that I am a basket case. People tell me often that they do not know how I hold up to the stress. No one can tell I cry when I am alone. In public I seem unfazed.

The woman has been single and raising her child after her husband cheated on her and they divorced over 15 years ago. Her child is grown and gone and she is just now wanting to date. She has a good job and does not "need a man", but I am told she wants to be married again some day. I am told she is a very nurturing person.

Anyway, after over 30 years I will soon be back in the dating market with the intention of re-marriage.

I am looking for advice. Thank you.

BW,
I am over 60 and think you should go for it. I would tell her that the last years of your marriage were difficult. That you haven't dated in 30 years and it is all new to you. Lets start out slowly and get to know each other better. If I do anything that is puzzling, please let me know, it is not a reflection of how I feel about you or the relationship, I am just learning.

There will come a time when you both share your past, but wait until you get to know each other better. No one wants to hear about someone's ex in the beginning, it will look like unfinished business. Make it about you and her.

Those are my two cents worth.
B53

Hi Boll Weevil,

My advise is that you’re thinking of locking her down in a r/s and you haven’t had a date yet   *)  My advise is simple don’t think about a committed r/s and don’t discuss your marriage. Keep things light you’re job is to be conflict or of the fun bus. Relax and don’t think too far ahead and don’t make her feel like you want to lock her down in a r/s.

Keep it light. Even if this doesn’t work out there are many other people that are out there that will appreciate you - you were in a commuted r/s for 30 years there are some pluses about your character.  

Forget about a r/s because it’s going to scare her away. Be the conductor of the fun bus! Go with the flow.