BPDFamily.com

My wife is legitimately hanging by a thread and I don’t know how to help. It’s almost 2 AM and I have to run a business tomorrow with hundreds of people- which I’m failing at- but the only thing I can think about is the fact that my wife (separated for over 6 months) told me tonight that she needs help and believes I was right about BPD and she cant make it another day the pain is too intense.  She has never been vulnerable or ever admitted weakness or being wrong in 10 years of knowing her - you need to understand how uncharacteristic this is! She has threatened suicide more times than I can count over the years as a way to manipulate me as a very submissive man, and I have always known that she never meant it.   Something is different. She really means it.  It is scary.     She cannot endure  what she is going through now, and I believe much of it is due to a careless doctor has pumped her full of more prescriptions than I can count, with no therapy whatsoever.     I don’t know what to do.  She told me that I need to find somewhere to take her tomorrow or she can’t hang on any longer.   She is not a drug addict and she is not an alcoholic but I do believe she is on probably four or five medications at way too high of dosages for anxiety depression and mood disorder and she is only 36 years old. She had never been on a medication in her life until she turned 34.   I’ve spent the majority of the last two years fighting with her and trying to put her in her place because of how destructive she was being to me into our two beautiful children who are 12 and nine years old.    In 1 million years I never thought she would actually become vulnerable and be willing to see help and now that she is I’m terrified because I don’t know what to do and I never saw it coming and it was way easier to just hate her for all the pain she caused. Now I want to help her and I don’t know how and every place I look at is just full of junkies and places that fill people full of medications but don’t actually rehabilitate them.    My biggest fear is that my answered prayer of having my wife finally become vulnerable and take responsibility could end up in the wrong hands of medical professionals who are not capable of taking care of her and she is so freaking precious she deserves the best. She’s gone through childhood trauma and sexual abuse and relationship abuse prior to me and we were about to approach our 10 years of marriage this month which breaks my heart.   I thought the best thing for me would be a divorce and yet everything in my heart says that her healing and redemption and transformation will be the greatest gift we could ever give our children who are lost and starting to display some very concerning behaviors of their own despite their perfect grades and athletic accomplishments.    I’m lost and I need help and this is the first place that hasn’t given me an answering machine and might seem to know what they’re talking about.   I’ve never been through this before but I know that I have suffered for years now and cried way too many nights to sleep not understanding what my wife was going through and losing my faith in God as a result.    I’m about to post this and I’m so scared that no one will reply or understand, so if you do understand can you please help me Evaluate what steps I could take next that will benefit The woman I married and my children? 

 

Your wife is handing you an amazing gift in that she recognizes the need for help and is willing to accept it.

Your job today is to find her the best situation to be safe -- even if it isn't the permanent situation.

You may need to take her to the emergency room at a hospital you trust, tell them your wife is suicidal and is wrong for help, and that you have concerns she has been overmedicated.

Is that something you can do?