BPDFamily.com

I would love to hear from anyone who can relate to loving their bp person very deeply and having trouble accepting that the relationship may never be as close as it once was.

I have heard that one of the hardest parts about establishing boundaries or cutting ties with our bp person is that bpd people tend to be very charismatic, almost addictive for some. For me the connection is even stronger and more deeply rooted because my bp sister is significantly older than me. When I was born she made herself into a parental figure, taking "care" of me and shaping my perspective on the world. I felt she was my best friend and was so close to her for many years- convinced that I could be her rescuer. Although there have been so many hard times, there also have been many good times.

It has been important for me to let go of some of our relationship in order to set boundaries and separate when she tries to blame or hurt me. I have made a lot of progress in this area and held the line with her recently several times. This means we are not as close anymore.

Today I spoke with her and she was in a good mood, happy and silly like I remember her being in the best of times. It was really nice, but I'm left feeling very emotional because I'm wishing again that she could be like that more and we could be close again. I still love her very deeply and mourn the closeness of our old relationship, even though I know it was unhealthy and codependent. I miss her so much.

You are not alone in missing your sister and the relationship you once shared. I too and struggling with the similar thing of releasing those expectations or dreams of an adult sister relationship. I had hopes of sharing future weddings, family holidays, possible future children, and all those other life events. I now realize that may not be what it is. I remain hopeful with immense love, but I resonate with what you say in how much you miss those little joyful moments you used to share.

Back when things felt somehow easier...

I think it's normal to miss what was and mourn what may never be. Hold on to all she has given you, that can never be taken away. Do what is best for you and your mental health as we learn to develop boundaries and new relationship norms. Give yourself grace!

With a sister with BPD, there are often good memories and love for our sister. It is painful to have to set boundaries that limit the closeness and the lack of healthy emotional reciprocity with a sibling, as it is a very special bond. My heart goes out to you. I am currently in the process of ending my relationship with my disordered sister which is requiring legal help, as we own property together.