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Title: Little confusion and need advice Post by: Arceus3315 on January 24, 2021, 02:16:28 PM Hey, I’m new here. I’ve been dating my girlfriend w/ BPD since late August and of course, the honeymoon phase was great. But since then, there’s been a lot of arguing between us and recently, she’s not interested in much cuddling or sex for about the past 2 weeks. I’ve read a lot of articles that mostly hint that usually it’s the oppposite and they prefer the intimacy. During arguments, it usually ends up with me becoming defensive, her surrendering, and me apologizing, but then the same or similar topic gets brought up in a few days. I understand now that me becoming defensive isn’t helpful and can eventually trigger something. I haven’t tried coercing her into sex, and she does recognize that she doesn’t know why and that it’s most likely her condition.
So I’m mainly looking for advice for arguments and any idea how long the lack of intimacy may occur for. It’s nothing that I would end the relationship for, but at first it made me feel as if she didn’t find me attractive anymore. Lately it’s also been a bit of “this guy in our friend group is hot, but I would never date him since I’m with you”. Thanks! Title: Re: Little confusion and need advice Post by: Ozzie101 on January 26, 2021, 10:09:16 AM Welcome to the BPD family! :hi:
The ups and downs, hits and colds can be overwhelming sometimes. And I definitely know about getting defensive! Before coming here, I was a master of JADE-ing (Justify Argue Defend Explain). It’s a big no-no. PwBPD can run hot and cold. Sometimes they can’t get enough and sometimes they want lots of space. That’s true for most people really, just amplified here. In my case, I try to listen to my husband and respect his wishes without reading too much into it. Often, it has nothing at all to do with me. How long could it last? There’s no way to know, really. Past behavior may be an indicator though. As for arguments, we have a lot of good advice in our forums so I’d recommend reading around. But some basic advice: 1) Don’t JADE 2) Listen with empathy 3) Validate feelings without validating the invalid (what she’s saying may not make sense but the feelings underneath are very real) That’s a VERY simplified run-down. How do the arguments usually start? Could you give a play-by-play of a recent incident? |