|
Title: Pulling back Post by: Macy Smith on January 27, 2021, 04:09:24 PM Can anyone give me advice on how to pull back from an adult child who lives 600 miles away. When she texts me and she seems desperate, I want to call her and help but I know it’s not good for her
Title: Re: Pulling back Post by: PearlsBefore on January 28, 2021, 12:27:34 AM How often is it happening, would be my first question - some people would say "It's EVERY MONTH" others would say "It's EVERY FOUR HOURS", heh.
But in general I'd say you could try to shift her into a scheduled call - the way we used to do in the old days; you'd love to talk to her every/second/fourth Thursday at 6:40 for twenty minutes or something...and see if it helps her save up her emergencies until the coming Thursday and notices they often evaporate before then, etc? Title: Re: Pulling back Post by: Sancho on February 04, 2021, 08:49:46 PM It is a very difficult thing not to respond immediately when you get a text/call that sounds really desperate. It took me a long time to realise that while the desperation/urgency was quite real at that moment, it would subside in a relatively short period of time.
Once I realised the pattern it was easier to wait a while to respond. I agree if you could post a few more details ie are the texts about specific things that happen, general distress, accusing you of things - for BPD people, intense emotion can be triggered by such a huge range of things. This is an important issue to work through, as it can have huge consequences for your own emotional wellbeing. |