BPDFamily.com

I have tried two other visits and both did not happen.  My Mom is uBPD.  Dad is sweet and I miss him  a lot.

We made two prior attempts to visit.   In both cases, we were attempting a two week isolation before visiting.  They are a 2 hour drive away.  Mom is/was a germaphobe and both fell through. Besides that, my husband has several medical conditions that put him in the high risk group, so I am careful as well.  Both fell through due to possible exposures on their part.

Since the second, they have gotten more brave.  Letting people into their home when masked.  I have not gotten more brave.    They have had their first shot.  They get their second next week.

I have to go to their city Thursday to sign some papers.  It has to be done this week, I cannot wait until after their second shot.

I am going to try to visit them before going to sign the papers.  I am nervous about the following:

1.  Suddenly, Mom has gone from being over-cautious to not being cautious enough IMO.  (I don't want to bring anything home to my husband.)  She said that some other relatives are planning to take the day off work to see me since they miss me.  THey are working, so I see potential exposure.  She did say it would be ok if they were masked, but we could visit outdoors.  Solution:  I will visit,masked, and keep max distance.

2.  They are very "into" politics, but their view is a bit warped.  I have the opposite view from hers, but I really don't want to discuss it, either way.    Of course, we both think/know we are right.  However, I prefer not to discuss the issues or which side is right or wrong with anyone.     Especially uBPD Mom because she's so convinced she's right.

3.  Not getting to spend as much time as I would like with Dad.  Due to the virus and not having seen them in person in over a year, getting time alone with him probably won't happen. 

**** 4.  Just the general stress of being around Mom.  I've gotten used to not being around her. 


For #2, I am trying to come up with a list of topics to change the subject to when she starts talking politics.  On the phone, I can make observations about things I see in the yard, or are going on in the house, sometimes they are made up.  Not backyard wildlife, though.  She hates animals.

Hello todayisday,

Your visit sounds stressful, but it sounds like you have thought through the challenges and have a good plan in place for handling them. 

My mom did not have BPD but did have some of the traits.  When she was in the very early stages of dementia, I found changing the subject extremely helpful. Sometimes when she would start down a negative path, I would interject "Oh!  I forgot to tell you..." which made it sound important enough to successfully redirect the conversation. 

I hope the visit went reasonably well.