BPDFamily.com

So my wife feels it's very necessary that we go through with the divorce.

I kind of know the answer to this, but I wanted to put it out there. How common, in a general sense, is it for someone to go all the way through this process only to change their mind? Has anyone experienced that? Do the dynamics and specifics of separating your lives, and the hardships involved, come into play when they consider whether or not to recycle you?

I ask because, unlike a lot of people here, I financially depend on my wife (she comes from money). Going through this is especially hard for her because she's aware of all the people she's involving and inconveniencing because of her decision. I'm wondering if that calculus will be involved and may prevent her from turning this around. Or if she does decide to turn it around, whether or not I will be prepared emotionally and mentally to go through it again.

We’ve seen members go through divorces only to have their partners try and recycle again. I don’t know if this is a common phenomenon.

People with BPD often have very little empathy when they are emotionally triggered, so thinking through how this might impact you is probably not much on her mind.

Do you have a lawyer? You need to find out what your rights are.

Yes, I have a lawyer. Well retaining one next week, we just have to draw up the paperwork to make it official.

ATM, she's dedicated to making me whole, but that's a fluid scenario.

It's just so weird because she'll say she owes so much to me for helping her through all of this, then in the next breath say that she wasn't ready for the marriage to begin with, and doesn't feel like she can continue. She's also stopped saying she loves me.

I still love my wife, but I'm guarding against the worst-case scenario. She's already left once and then came back, but I've told her if she leaves again that I can no longer be in contact with her like I was last time. And that I won't help her move again. I'm almost positive that there're one or more people waiting in the wings to swoop in once I'm out of the picture.