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Title: Living with a murderer Post by: hurtmomma1 on February 09, 2021, 06:27:58 AM It's how I feel. I feel like I'm living with the person who murdered my daughter. She looks like my 17 year old and her voice is the same, but the things she does and says are completely alien. It's like she's a completely different person. Even the light in her eyes is gone. Instead, it's been replaced with a shark like deadness. In less than a year she's gone from college bound and my best friend to a near high school drop out and a hateful, hurtful person. She has devalued her dad completely.. Devalued me,95 percent and she even hates her dog and cat! I blame the pandemic and her first real boyfriend for bringing out this underlying condition. I'm sad, hurt, confused and really, really angry. She is tearing this home apart and I can't stop missing my real daughter. The loving person that was here before she was murdered by this horrible imposter that attacks us constantly with her verbal abuse. I know she's suffering. But we are too. She will see a therapist but won't take anxiety meds. She was on them before the boyfriend encouraged her to stop. He is her favorite person now and is emotionally abusive. She can't regulate her emotions AT ALL. And takes everything out on us. It's terrible. I'm seeing a therapist but finding it hard to have hope. I see posts on this board about the same issues when they reach 21, 35 and beyond. Is this just our lives now? If so..it sucks! We did nothing to deserve this. None of us. Not her, and not us. I feel like we're living with a murderer who we constantly have to help and also protect ourselves from. And it's just not okay. :(
Title: Re: Living with a murderer Post by: Sancho on February 10, 2021, 08:52:57 PM Hi Hurtmomma1
Did the change in your daughter happen around the same time she got to know her current boyfriend? Did she have any anxiety issues before this dramatic change? When I first started dealing with BPD, I felt I was dealing with one thing after another, without any pattern. When I started to look for patterns it became easier for me to join the dots and understand what was going on. Is there a chance that this boy is into any form of substance abuse? It is often hard to tell until you have been around the pattern for quite a while. Perhaps you could step back (I mean in an emotional way) and just observe when things are happening eg does she see her boyfriend regularly, is she worse after these times; is she okay after seeing him for a day or so, then starts to get abusive etc. You are clearly going through a hellish time, and it is so good you are seeing someone yourself. I hope coming here helps, but remember every situation is different - and I have a feeling yours is a bit different, just by the very fact that there has been such a dramatic change. It is hard to join the dots with such a sudden change. Keep in touch! |