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Title: struggling to cope Post by: Nwyfree on February 12, 2021, 03:51:16 AM My partner has BPD ...i am struggling to cope i feel like i am walking on egg shells all the time. He gets very angry and shouts... he has locked me out the house before...i moved in with him a year ago away from my area...i have no friends or family here...no one to talk to. He says i dont think he is important and i dont look after him properly...i have suffered in the past with low self esteem and anxiety...i had mostly resolved this but now these issues have come back...im finding it hard to focus.. .feeling stressed and tearfulmost of the time...i dont know what to do
Title: Re: struggling to cope Post by: kells76 on February 12, 2021, 09:32:38 AM Hi Nwyfree, glad you are reaching out for help and support. People who have pwBPD (persons with BPD) in their lives, in whatever capacity (partner, family member, child, coworker, anything) can need double or triple doses of support to make it through these challenging relationships.
It sounds like you feel isolated and without a supportive "safety net" of friends or family. I'm sorry it's come to this... to me, that sounds lonely. When you were closer to friends and family, how were those relationships? How are things with you and your family, generally? Excerpt He says i dont think he is important and i dont look after him properly Nwyfree, that sounds pretty typical, and here's one way of looking at it -- what if you switched the pronouns in your head? What if... he were actually saying that HE is the one who doesn't think YOU are important, and HE doesn't look after YOU properly? What would be your take on that? It's totally understandable that you'd feel stressed, tearful, and like you couldn't focus, with all that high-intensity chaos and emotion. I'm sorry it's coming from your partner... I'm sure that's not what you wanted out of your partnership. It's OK to not know what to do. You deserve kudos for reaching out. This is a great step to take, to have a support group that you can lean on. When you're up for it, want to share some more? We can definitely talk through some tools and skills... and until then... I hope you can do something kind for YOU today, even if it seems "too small" (it's never too small!). Again, welcome; kells76 Title: Re: struggling to cope Post by: Nwyfree on February 12, 2021, 01:54:19 PM Thanks Kells, it actually feels a big relief to be able to chat about it,
I have some good friends back where im from i have become alienated from some because they dont like him or the way he talks to me, i have a friend who i have reached out to a couple of times but he is very manipulative and always manages to turn it round like im freaking out for nothing and the problem lies with me to which i always end up agreeing with to diffuse the situation. My dad and a close auntie live far away. My mom died about 2 years ago...she had copd i was her carer for a number of years...she lived with me and i also had my brother living with me also because he w it was quite tough as on hard times, i also had my 4 kids living there...ithe youngest is my current partners...i having trouble with the older 2 due to parental alienation by my previous partner...anyway the whole situation came to a head...my partner helped in some ways but also caused the situation to become explosive...my mom and brother said id changed and blamed my partner ...we did sort things out somewhat we were not on bad terms when she died. I also made peace with my bro but im not in contact with him much...he has his own stuff going on...i was always the strong one in the family! Lol...i do have a couple of aunts i am in touch with but i dont feel i could talk to them about this. Wow that seems strange to switch it around cos he is always telling me how well he looks after me and how things would fall apart without him. I guess if he was saying it i would feel like i could talk to him about how im feeling more as he would be considering my feelings..he says emotional reactions like crying are manipulation. If he was saying it it would be a would make me feel like i could be myself around him more. Or maybe iwould actually probably try to reassure him it wasnt the case...im actually pretty independent and not high maintenance! But i can feel it slipping away...thanks again it is great to find this space to talk...it would be fantastic to learn tools and skills...i actually started crocheting a vest for myself...i will get that out and work on it ...its wuite meditative! Nwyree |