BPDFamily.com

     I came home from work 3 weeks ago with a note stating my wife had left. She had started cutting herself and hiding it 2 weeks prior. She left because she was afraid she would become suicidal. She also told be she had ran up 10,000.00 in credit card debt in what was termed "retail therapy". The letter said that she had taken money from savings to pay for this and to rent a place to stay. She also accused me of isolation abuse and being jealous. After she left she sent me pictures of the cutting she had done that day and told me that she loved me. She had started seeing a therapist and I believe she has entered a 1 year program that involves seeing the therapist and going through group therapy. She never told me she was having issues prior to leaving, but I did know she was having trouble sleeping and had some anxiexty/depression. She will not let me call her I can only text as she says that talking to me makes her emotions heighten and she may want to cut herself. She says that she does want to see me but can't at this time due to this. Our son recently spent time with her and she said she had a good day, but felt guilty for it because of what she did to me. She said she has insomnia, depression, and anxiety at this time. She seems to flip flop on what she wants depending on her mood. She will tell me when she gets better that she wants to work things out but a few days later will post on social media something that looks like she wants out of the relationship. She has been told by her therapist that she possibly has BPD, dissociative disorder, or PTSD. They are not positive on which one. What is the best way to handle this? I have told her that I would wait for her to get better and that I would be there if I was needed to talk with her therapist at some point and that I would help her financially if needed. What do I do? We have been married over 20 years and I love her with all my heart.

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can do right now. Is there a way to get in touch with the facility where she is staying? Or possibly her therapist?

   No, she has kept that information from me. I do not even have the address of her apartment. She gave it to my son and my Mother in law. I told my son not to give it to me unless she told him to. She has also become slightly paranoid. She said it is all she can do to keep herself together at work and in front of our son. She has also asked that I keep our son from visiting too much at this point. In the note she said she was broken.

How often are you exchanging texts?

    It is sporadic. She texted me back and forth for about 2-1/2 hours on Sunday and told me Happy Valentine's day and finally shared a bunch of information on what is going on with her diagnosis and treatment. She told me she missed me and wanted to see me, but she gets tense when she thinks about me and is afraid it would lead to cutting. I texted here twice this week to make sure she made it to work okay in bad weather and she responded. She told me she would not text me if she was having a bad day and she has had many of those lately. She has asked me to give her space and that is what I am trying to do. It is hard because I do not want her to think that I do not care about her.