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Title: I just found out Post by: Blue41 on February 19, 2021, 06:27:07 PM Hello everyone,
I have been engaged to my partner for 6 months. At first everything was so great and then things started to decline, it started slowly at first, odd outbursts of emotion, irrational thoughts that I just did not understand, becoming obsessive about where I was or what I was saying. Anyway, I would ask her, what is wrong, what can I do. And I did everything I could to make her happy but still there was always this "thing" hanging in the air. I have a very large, close knit family, I stopped talking to them about her or telling them when I was upset because I wanted them to see the real her, not the version of her that she presented when we were by ourselves. It finally got bad enough that I left, I no longer felt safe. She finally told me she has BPD and that a month after we met she was so happy she no longer felt like she needed her meds, so she stopped taking them, cold turkey. As you can imagine and now I know, that was the worst possible thing for her to do and explains why everything keep getting worse and worse. I love her, so very much but when I left it was kind of dramatic and now my family knows everything. They want me to stay away from her and let her get better first. I want to give her a chance and stay, support her recovery. Now that I know the truth, now that she has been back on the meds I see the woman I feel in love with. Now that I know the way she was acting was that she was unmedicated and not that she is just a mean, angry person. I don't think I can walk away but it's all such a mess and of course a part of me worries that she will have an episode again. I don't really have a question I guess, I just wish she was honest with me in the beginning or at any point over the last 6 months, so much hurt could have been avoided. She is very apologetic and is doing and is willing to do any and all treatments to get better but so much damage has been done. Title: Re: I just found out Post by: babyducks on February 20, 2021, 08:38:19 AM welcome Blue41,
I'm glad you took the brave first step to post. That is the beginning of looking out for yourself. |iiii It finally got bad enough that I left, I no longer felt safe. I'm sorry to hear that Blue. Sadly its fairly common for our relationships to have outbreaks of violence. Mine did. Can I ask if you are safe now? She finally told me she has BPD and that a month after we met she was so happy she no longer felt like she needed her meds, so she stopped taking them, cold turkey. My Ex is diagnosed Bipolar 1 comorbid with another disorder most likely BPD. She was on medication and very compliant. Sticking to a medication schedule is very difficult and many people struggle with that. Was the doctor who prescribed for your fiancé aware she abruptly stopped her medication? My experience was that medication helped my Ex manage her symptoms but did not cure them. It was more like medication helps manage diabetes. It was not like antibiotics cures bronchitis. If that makes sense. I love her, so very much but when I left it was kind of dramatic and now my family knows everything. They want me to stay away from her and let her get better first. I want to give her a chance and stay, support her recovery. I understand. I would encourage you to visit the very first thread on this board. The one called LESSONS. There is a lot of important information there to help. Much of it involves looking at yourself first. which sounds counter intuitive but what has been observed over and over again is that changing our behavior/actions can make a huge difference. Here is a link to get you started digging around in this website. https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship (https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship) 'ducks |