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Title: How do you avoid rejecting Post by: Hope4Joy on February 23, 2021, 04:59:46 PM My husband constantly feels rejected and it seems like this is very familiar here. He feels rejected by things that seem small to me. Are there some key ways avoid making them feel rejected?
I’m glad he has been more open in recent months to years. Perhaps if I tell him I think it’s important that he continue to tell me when he feels rejected - in a respectful way - so that I can recognize patterns better and change my behavior. Title: Re: How do you avoid rejecting Post by: formflier on February 23, 2021, 06:44:57 PM There isn't anyway to combat..directly combat hyper vigilance for rejection. It's good that he is open, so when he bring up feelings of rejection...try to shift the conversation to "how can I reassure you?" (and wait for the answer) He feels rejected and that is real to him, don't debate his feelings or try to prove him "wrong". Best, FF Title: Re: How do you avoid rejecting Post by: once removed on February 24, 2021, 12:00:09 AM good advice from formflier here.
in general, our loved ones are hypervigilant for those signs of rejection, and ironically, and unwittingly, we may have some tendencies that send those signals. reassurance is good. i remember that my ex would almost episodically call me crying and complaining about a deep loneliness, and i would try to remind her of my love for her, etc, my version of reassuring her. often times, i think she sensed i didnt really have anything to say, and as a result, felt even lonelier. it was important for me to realize that in a lot of ways, i was trying to either be the solution to her problem, or make it go away. sort of like debating, as formflier mentioned. it was, likewise, important for me to realize that on some level, this was a chronic problem for my partner. i had a role to play, but it wasnt to make her problem go away. it was to connect. when you do that, a person is inherently less prone to feeling rejected by you. reassurance is really about helping them help you, and vice versa. its about communication of needs (which our partners struggle with doing constructively or directly) and actively listening. can you give us some recent examples of things your husband has felt rejected by/about? |