BPDFamily.com

I am in day 3 of a COVID staycation with a BPD who I have beed with for ten years.  For over 6 of those years, he did not work at all and with lits of help, he was within a semester of finishing a program and decided to withdraw this term.  Now, he is living at home and has reverted to playing video games and getting angry about them and at me due to them.  I have a fulltime job and work from home and it is not uncommon for him to wake up angry at me, or become triggered and walk in to yell at me while I am in meetings.  He becomes angry when I don't put him first.  He will not listen, and threatens to hurt himself if I leave (he has not though I believe he feels this way).  Sometimes is angry at the care I show for our animals.  I appreciate the books but feel very alone.  His family blames me for 'letting' him behave this way, he has systematically undermined my friendships, doesn't trust past friends, or me many days.  I am so sad and lonely.  If I didn't love him so much, I would have left years ago. I am so tired.  This leads to me being called a bitch and more extreme daily.  Getting 'help' has not been helpful.  COVID isolation has been the absolute worst.  I would welcome any supportive words or thoughts.

You're not alone! We know how it feels. You're doing the right thing by sticking with your own job. It's hard.

Have you tried finding another online community related to your interests? 24/7 stressing about bpd can be exhausting, even though it seems like if we just work harder, we'll find a solution. I'm not saying spend all your time doing that, but a few minutes a day making some new online friends could be good. Watch out for creeps and catfish of course.

Hang in there - covid isolation will absolutely get better eventually. And bpd might get better too - there's always a chance. Stay positive.