BPDFamily.com

Hello. I'm so glad that I've found this site, so many of your posts have resonated with me.

My sister has not formerly been diagnosed, I hope that means it's ok for me to be here. My therapist has recommended books to me about BPD when hearing about her behaviors. I've been familiarizing myself with dynamics, techniques, etc so I can better recognize them and implement the appropriate technique in the moment.

I inherited my mother's house several years ago, my sister moved in with me several months ago after graduating from college. It's been very rocky, especially since I'm working from home. Two weeks ago, she was diagnosed with COVID so I had to quarantine as well. Which meant both of us were stuck in the house together. I did my best to go for walks, drive, and draw my boundaries but we got into it last week. She was aggressive and pushed me. I left.

We've exchanged several text messages, and she's implied that she's going to find other accommodations as living together is not working out. I've consulted my lawyer and of course, my therapist, to understand my options and put together a plan to get back into my house safely. The last text I sent was that I needed some space and I would reach out to her.

I am going to suggest our next contact be over the phone so I could feel her out. I'm looking for any other techniques to implement during this time to navigate this situation successfully. Thanks for reading.

*welcome*

So sorry that happened.  I'm hoping you agreed with her that she needed to find other accommodations.

Is she paying rent?

Best,

FF

No rent or billls. I can legally evict her, but I would like to see if working something out between us is an option first.

Why not just have the "work out" be..

"Hey..I agree with your assessment you should live somewhere else.  I'm available this weekend to help move boxes and stuff."

Best,

FF

I like that a lot! I hope we can work it out that way.

I'm just trying to prepare for if it doesn't go that way, and trying to avoid traps.

You are not alone in being physically attacked by your BPD sister and having her mistreat you when you are under the same roof. I am wondering if your sister behaves better when in the presence of people she wants to look good in front of. Is so, is there any possiblity of having someone else present that might rein in your sister's worst behaviors and would make a reliable witness when you negotiate with your sister? The situation with my BPD sister has gotten much worse over the years, and I now realize that giving her second chances, has only served as a green light for her to be more manipulative and abusive. It hurts to be in a one sided relationship, and it is harder when the person is your sibling, as sibling relationships are unique and can be quite special when there is the possiblity of having a healthy loving relationhip.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. We have no other family left and I've  tried so hard to support without enable.

I have been waffling between talking to her with someone else around and starting with a phone call, just to see where her head is at. I'm nervous about having this meeting at our house and have been trying to think of an alternative. There isn't a neutral location like another family member's house that's a viable option.

Yep..smart to prepare but get on her side..agree with her.  If she wants to do something else..be shocked.  After all, you agree with her idea...what on would change her thoughtful plan to leave?


Best,

FF

People with BPD constantly move the goal posts, and how they react depends on the emotional dysregulation of the moment. I would not do a phone call. Meet with your sister with someone who will be there for you, and know what realistic options and strategies are when dealing with a person with BPD.

Yes...realize the goal post moving.  So keep your response simple and short.  You agree with her...she needs to move.

Best,

FF