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My ex girlfriend went through having an abortion 7 months ago.

Since then I have tried asking her to go to therapy together to unpack it and talk about it. Her reasonings were due to covid and our lack of jobs, and her fear of her disapproving parents.

She shuts down the conversation pretty quickly and then moves on. She normally would never do this.

Further she hates talking about it altogether and thus I had stopped asking.

She had been binge watching tv shows and movies and focusing on her health which is great yes, but its as if she was not at all thinking about it and that is understandable but I just feel like sweeping things under a rug and disassociating are more damaging.

Out of nowhere 7 months post abortion, she told me she associates me to the abortion and thus she couldn't be with me any longer. Again disassociating from her trauma.

Finally its been 6 months post breakup and I ran into her sister at a grocery store. After catching up, I asked her about her sister. And she said "Funny you ask, we talked the other day about you. I asked her what's he been up to. And unfortunately she said that she hasn't thought about you, searched you, or any of that."

This killed to hear because we had a long relationship and I thought I was special to her in some way despite breaking up.

I felt like she was trying to disassociate me from her mind and life, sweeping me under that big rug of hers and not thinking about me.

Does disassociation ever catch up to someone and then they need to handle all those things they have pushed down?

Would she ever stop disassociating me do you think?

Can disassociation last a lifetime?

I would love to be friends just like we were before dating... but yah she doesnt want me around due to the connection, and seemingly she doesnt want me in her head either.

I think that 'trauma' is basically dissociation for life, unless you seek intensive treatment.

I know that's not a direct answer to your question or situation, but with people with BPD... remember feelings equate facts. When you call up negative feelings, her disorder and dissociation as a coping mechanism make it easier for her to block you out of her head. This is done subconsciously of course, so no amount of talking will help here... I'm sorry to hear about your difficult story, and wish you strength and courage.