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Title: Suggestions about time to contact Post by: Novastop on March 12, 2021, 04:32:10 AM Hi all, newbie here.
I feel bad about launching straight into a request but I'm struggling to avoid panicking about the situation my partner is in. We had a bad argument and I felt so upset about what happened and a particularly unpleasant thing she said, though probably only in the heat of the moment looking back now, but at the time it really chilled me. I went no contact for 10 days then eventually agreed to meet to talk it all over and see where we could go from there. But my partner had a very serious argument with another person before we got chance to meet. Unfortunately the police got involved. My partner has been on remand now for over 5 weeks now. Neither of us has contacted the other. I'm afraid she will think I've washed my hands of her and moved on, but I haven't. Because of her state of mind, I'm afraid that if she isn't stable enough yet, my approach could further upset her. But the longer I leave it, the more reason she will have to think I've abandoned her. Do I risk writing to her, and possibly upsetting her and who knows what that might lead to, or do I wait. She hasn't yet begun therapy for BPD. Maybe in her mind she has moved on anyway, I'd accept that, as we had quite a few problems over the last year. How do I word a letter to her, apologising for my part prior to the later incident, and reassuring her that I'm willing to stand by her even if she gets a long sentence. It's been a steep learning curve as I only found out about her BPD diagnosis late on. From what I understand, she could be feeling intense shame about what happened, or maybe disassociated entirely from what happened, and given that she was already depressed before everything, she might even be serious about giving up the fight. I don't know what to do. Wait, or risk an approach which sends her over the edge. I'm getting no information from her family due to certain reasons I can't divulge. I want to reach out, but I'm afraid to. Title: Re: Suggestions about time to contact Post by: Cat Familiar on March 13, 2021, 11:10:16 AM What do you hope to accomplish by reaching out to her?
Is this a relationship you want to continue to develop? |