BPDFamily.com

My son has BPD and for whatever reason whenever his dad tries to offer advise it triggers him into a bad mood. My son is home, off from college b/c of BPD. He did inpatient DBT and now is doing outpatient DBT. He's had a relatively good week. My husband told him despite having a good week to always be ready when something goes wrong...to keep up with his skills. Perhaps, the message was not said with as much empathy as my son typically expect from us, his parents. We typically feel we have to carefully think out our thoughts before we share them with him. We are not perfect so sometimes my son doesn't like the words we have used. We try to tell him to consider it a teaching moment as most people will not be as empathic and careful with their words. He says he expects better from his parents which of course puts pressure on us. Anyway, my son got very defensive, said he was a burden. Hates himself, hates being so sensitive. Fells bad that he is not in school. Has regrets and shame about what he did in school. Hates that I need support from others because of him. Then he goes to his room and when he says things like that I get worried that he will self harm again. He gets offended when I ask him if he feels safe. Sometimes I ask him what he wants me to say to help. Honestly, tonight is another walking on eggshell night. I'm afraid there will be many, many more years of this to come. It truly saddens me that my son still hates himself. Will this ever change? Sometimes I feel like giving up. It's too hard. I have another child who is not doing great herself. I have to work. BPD is taking a toll on this family. Plus, apart from this post, I haven't shared this with friends...it's too hard and inevitably I have found that when I share bad news, I am seen and treated differently , sometimes with pity which I do not want.

Hi there! It is great your son is getting help.  It is also great you are getting help for yourself by joining this forum.  I know this is a fearful , heart breaking journey.  Will the BPD change?  That is impossible to know and each story is so different.  However, he is in the best position for possible change by seeking help. More importantly, it can change for you, regardless on if it changes for your son.  Keep in mind you are as important as your BPD son.  This will help along the journey.  Please take a look around this forum, pull down the tools list above.  There is also suggested reading in the Library here.  One good book is "Stop Walking on Eggshells".   Many of us here have found that reading up on BPD to get a better understanding helps a lot.

Not everyone earns the right to our story ( we all find this out along the way) , but that is ok.  You are now among those who " get it".

It sounds like you are really tired, frustrated, and hurt.  Most of us on this forum are, too. You're in the right place.  I hope that you will take care of yourself as you go through this, including seeing a therapist to help you to protect yourself and heal.  We can be a safe space to vent where people really understand and it would help for you to get some in depth support from a therapist with expertise in BPD. You don't have to go through this alone.  Big hugs!