BPDFamily.com

I would say the same things everyone else says. Plus, I have bipolar disorder that was well managed before a traumatic brain injury had me back at O.

I went through a couple layers of hell and grew stronger, got an adequate treatment regimen, got a couple of works honored and a book published, and I’m back on here again for my daughter, again.

She’s experienced the fire that we go through so many ways I can’t talk about it anymore. She has been crucified. I have to watch and live with her after she is burned yet again. She is vicious to anyone who loves her. She loathes herself.

How do you remove the thorn in someone’s eye? I get hurt even though I know better than to try.

I’m not here to beg and plead for answers to why and what and who. I have faith in a higher power, experienced it briefly because I died and was revived, and I know that this challenge I face is something my soul designed.

I’m here to say that it’s hard, and I overestimated myself.

 :hi:

Welcome to BPDFamily...

One hint is to remember that her self-loathing causes her to believe everyone secretly hates her and wants to abandon her...which triggers her anxiety. So being cautious about that is always helpful.

The number of friends and lovers I have lost as a result of this disorder, which I feel is PTSD in our case, not inherit biological dysfunction, is heartbreaking.

I don’t understand why I am burdened by this isolating issue. I have accepted that I will be alone to manage abuse of myself (caused by others) and enacted by my own daughter.

No qualifier. I’ve accepted it. It’s just nice to have somewhere to share.

I tell myself the percentage of friends in loving, happy relationships is about 5%, and of the folks I know that are partnered beyond the peaceful 5%, 75% are miserable. Very few people have it any better.

At least I’m good at this kind of hard.

Our BPD loved ones can certainly exert tremendous strain on us as their caretakers, and PTSD and depression are the most common results. It can certainly deal harshly with our social engagements; my main BPD used to phone me at work, at volunteer events, everyone in my community came to expect that I'd occasionally have to step out to take an emergency call that consisted of screaming hysterics, etc. More intimately, it affected relationships with relatives since an invitation to a wedding, funeral or otherwise when they specifically named the pwBPD had to politely sidestep whether to show up without the BPD and offer a lame explanation, or try to drill some social norms into their head and pray they lasted out the day.

Obviously you're having a rough time right now, has it gotten worse in the past week, or past few months, or since the "pandemic", or when do you think things started sliding downhill?

How old is your daughter? I'm asking because if she's in her 20s or older, I'm wondering how you might support her in becoming more independent by setting some boundaries. I don't know your situation, but there are some steps that you might consider like not answering her calls when you are at work or out with friends?

Our PTSD has exploded. My daughter is screaming nonsense in rage and frustration. I already attempted suicide 2 years ago and didn’t succeed. I got proper treatment for a depressed and traumatized person with a traumatic brain injury. I won’t attempt again because it’s simply not my time. I’ve escaped death now 3 times, twice because of a speeding cop and once as a result of my broken life afterward.

My daughter was driving, so the immeasurable guilt she has destroys us both every waking moment. All mental health resources are full up because of COVID.

Oh, and the cop who was going 89 mph in a school zone is suing us.

The devil has won. The world is his.

I pray for this to be the last thing I do. If it’s not, I’ll keep showing up, but I want it to end.

Thank you for writing in.  You are not alone, this forum is here for you.
You have mentioned a TMI, PTSD and guilt.   You don't have to answer here , but something for you to answer for yourself: Are you thinking of ways for "it to end"?