BPDFamily.com

Does anyone else’s SO with BPD have an extreme fear about COVID that’s taken over their lives? I’m not trying to diminish the pandemic at all; I just got my second shot and still am taking precautions such as wearing an N95 mask, social distancing, and washing hands frequently when leaving the house.

However, my wife is so paranoid about COVID, that even though everyone in her family is about to be vaccinated and most of her friends are, she has no plans to come out of lockdown and even see people outside. We see her mother every day of our lives, and her sister most days as they help take care of our kids.

We have seen our best couple friends maybe 5 times in the last year. She seems completely content on locking down for the near future and locking me down with her to be there for all of her episodes which happen more frequently than ever. It’s driving me insane.

My SO was extremely triggered by the start of the pandemic. He went out and stockpiled hundreds of dollars worth of food, and would rage at me for not taking enough precautions at work. He also didn't want us going anywhere for a long time.

I eventually realized that  the bigger trigger for him was actually the possibility of food insecurity, which he dealt with in traumatic ways growing up. He saw this as a possible apocalypse scenario, where our daughter might have to go hungry, and that was too much for him to handle. It wasn't logical, and I eventually realized there would be no talking sense into him.

For us, he eventually fell into the "its all a hoax" conspiracy, which has resulted in a lot of resentment from me because of all the extra precautions I took for the majority of this pandemic for his sake, only for him to up and decide it "never actually existed in the first place".

So I guess from my experience, I would just encourage you to validate her concerns and intentions, and then make plans that meet your needs while being cautious and safe. Maybe make plans for outside meet ups with your friends, and let her know you have intentionally set up outdoor activities with safety in mind. Invite her to come along, but go even if she doesn't agree to participate, because you don't want to feel resentful in the long run.