BPDFamily.com

Hey guys, I'm back over here from the detaching board.

So my ex BPD and I broke up in November. We are still friends but the last little while when I have seen her in Walmart and stop to say hi she seems very uninterested even on a friend level. She's not cold for mean or rude. Just doesn't really interact much. I'm thinking that maybe I should stay away for awhile? Give her space? Last summer when we broke up and she was so angry at me I stayed away for two months and it helped a lot. When I seen her after 2 months and asked if we could talk she was willing as where before she was very cold and angry towards me. I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm engulfing her a little?

Another thought is maybe she is pulling away because I am not chasing? A month or so ago she would interact with me more when I would see her. When I would stop and say hi and then after a few minutes of chatting tell her that I'd see her later and leave, it almost seemed to me like she was kind of surprised that I wasn't going to stick around and visit some more or something.

Thoughts?

Are you interested in getting back into a relationship with her? From my limited experience BPDs need consistency, and just being friends after a relationship may not really compute with their sense of reality. So I would say either be all in or all out. For both of your's sakes and sanity. Sometimes people mistake being polite versus being interested in more interaction or communication.

To be honest I I'm not completely sure yet. There is a big part of me that wants her back but then there's my logical and fearful side that is scared of it ending in a disaster once again with me getting hurt again. We have recycled quite a few times over the last several years. It's truly an internal battle and I feel like I'm a mess at times.

Lately when I occasionally see her and stop and chat with her I feel like she is just being polite. It may be that I'm being oversensitive or that she is working (although in the past when we have been together I visited with her at work and it hasn't been a problem) but it seems like she's not really interested in chatting. Even her texts lately are just replies to me and they are very short and uninterested.

A few weeks ago she did text me out of the blue though and wanted my opinions on an old truck she was considering buying just for fun. And on Valentine's I left some flowers on her porch and the next day she text and thanked me and wanted to talk about something that happened in her life. I called and we talked on the phone. She told me that her nephew had been killed in a car wreck. She was pretty broken up about it. I guess she felt like she could come to me to talk about things like that but lately I feel like maybe I'm engulfing her even though it's only a few minutes I see her maybe once or twice a week if that.