BPDFamily.com

Our 25 year old daughter was diagnosed five years ago and saw a therapist on and off for four years. Last year she started decompensating and her behavior became more and more difficult to cope with. The story is long but the question tonight is how to set financial limits. She is on another continent, managed to complete her MA, but is totally isolated and refuses and/or is unable to work. She can't join us where we are in Asia because of restrictions on entry. She's demanded that we provide her with financial support that we are able to give at this moment but that is more than she needs. Notably in November we are both retiring in November and our income will drop by 70% which means we will no longer be able to give her any financial support. How have others weaned their BPD child off the financial gravy train without issuing an ultimatum and fearing a downward spiral as a result?
Thanks everyone!

Welcome.
This is understandably an emotionally fraught subject.  To add to the situation, there is no one size fits all answer.  There is also readings on boundaries here in the forum drop down list above.  Here is some suggested reading on other post similar to yours:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=320496.0

Your first step is already done- she is not living with you..

 In my own situation, things rapidly spiraled to my adult son getting violent with me due to  his mental issues compounded by drug use .
Sometimes you have to give a strict boundary.  Mine was, he had to see a therapist and get treatment by_____ date  or I would start eviction procedures ( he was living with me at the time).
one suggestion is giving your daughter time lines like this.  It can be cold turkey all at once, or little by little.  Once he was out of the house the first few things I cut off was his gym membership, access to streaming services.  A month or so later I cut out paying his credit cards( the statements showed he was spending money on booze).  Lastly , 4 months later I cut off his car insurance payments.  I got word to him through his other relatives that this would be taking place - 6 weeks notice).   

The trouble is having enough stamina to hang tough and stick to the boundary as she will not take kindly to the boundary.   You also have to know you are entitled to retire and to have money for you to live.  The  big question we all have is will this kick them into a free fall downward?    This will not be easy.  I can't really compare my case to yours because drugs have been involved in addition to my son having a other mental illnesses besides BPD.  Others will chime in on their experiences , I'm sure.  On the flip side, the ill BPD adult child could be made aware of the reality of the situation and get help. 

Here is another similar post :
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=338769.msg13069902

I have read your post a few times now as I find myself in a similar situation in some respects.

Your daughter has a lot of positives - having an MA is impressive. Can you tell us what area of study this is in?

The world has been turned upside down with covid so I'm wondering whether this has affected her possibilities for work?

Just a few questions come to mind:

Has your daughter ever worked?
Is there demand for employment in her field at the moment?
Does she have high anxiety levels as well as BPD?

Transitioning from study to work is huge for anyone, but for BPD it's just enormous. So I'm just looking at factors to try to identify the main issues.

Oops! The other question I had was how has she been supported until now?