BPDFamily.com

Hello, been dating my ex? Now for 6/7 months. Trouble and red flags were waived early on but I never did anything about them because I wanted to believe in the best etc etc. You know the story. We’ve had some major figure, and about 3 weeks ago he came out to me as self diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He started therapy this past Monday. I started researching BPD to try and understand it and be kind and patient. Since last weekend things have been so cold from him, he’s kept me at a distance, is very very mean to me, doesn’t reassure me when I need it (because he’s being so cold) and overall seems overall just annoyed by my existence. I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he always says “I haven’t had coffee yet” “not right now” “not interested etc” he’s been emotionally abusive and has recognized it. He told me he’s confused about his feelings and he doesn’t know what is real anymore. Today he broke up with me after I “made him feel things” as he was avoiding feeling anything at all for the past couple weeks. He said he still doesn’t know how he feels or if he’s in love with me or anything. He doesn’t deserve me etc. I am just so confused.

What is happening? It seems like he’s devalued me, and is saying that I drive him crazy and make everything worse. This is someone I thought I would spend my life with, and him with me I think. We signed a lease together and we’re planning on moving together. I think we’re broken up now, but were still stuck in this house together for the next month-two months. I am confused and super sad and I don’t know what to expect. I’m afraid of cohabitating with him while we both figure it out and Im also afraid of him finding someone else while we’re still in the same house. He started dating me a couple of days after breaking up with his ex. Now I’m hindsight I get it. Help?

I know we're not supposed to say "end things" but if he already did that, I'm not sure where this falls.

What I would do is focus on the immediate issue of the lease/co-habitation.
If you really can't get out of it, maybe you could calmly ask him to have his therapist help him create a list of boundaries and expectations for the duration of your cohabitation that are reasonable enough for you both to get through the next couple of months without additional pain.

If he in fact has BPD, he will hopefully calm down and stop being so verbally abusive toward you. Considering the "self-diagnosis", I can't help but feel skeptical.

Those of us who love or have loved someone with an actual diagnosis don't find it any easier to take the hurtful words they throw out during certain stages.
I really hope you are fully aware that the negative things he's saying are not a reflection of you at all. I'm sorry you're going through this.  :hug: