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Title: Don’t know what to do struggling Post by: Sheisinthere on April 10, 2021, 12:45:57 AM My 20 year old daughter was diagnosed with bpd just over 1 year ago.
Although it’s been a struggle we have really tried to help her md she seems to do well. She is not currently in treatment but has a. Therapist and phyc she see once in a while. We recently had a disagreement and she is not working since leave her job in January and moved out with a group of people and she has no money and recently her car has been broken into and all of her items taken. I am scared for her and in the last have given her money to help however I don’t want to enable her and we can’t afford to continue to do it long term. She can not get government assistance and we are frighten sick about her. She has had a brilliant job offer but she will not complete the course to start. She does not do well Under stressed and I can see she will shortly be on the brink, she knows she can always come home however she believes we control her and she would possibly live on the streets than come home. She talked to me everyday and it’s a nice conversation, we love her and we don’t know what the best things to do is any advice would be great Title: Re: Don’t know what to do struggling Post by: PearlsBefore on April 10, 2021, 09:18:50 PM :hi:
Welcome to BPDFamily, happy to meet you, sorry you're here... It's a complicated situation, but the first thing to realise I suspect is that if you think she may prefer to live on the streets than return home...then we're going to have to set aside hopes of bringing her back into the house. Even if you brought her back, her...perceived trauma, disdain or hatred for the house is likely to cause her to relapse right back out in the same way she left last time...but twice as bad. At least, that's my experience. Of course, it may be that the idea of the good job offer is overwhelming to her; many BPDs have a severe haltlose, they don't want to make plans more than a few months ahead. In that vein, it might be worth considering whether you're able to convince her to take this great job opportunity "but just do it ironically, for a few months, you know to get the monthly income, the benefits, maybe meet a really handsome accountant/astrophysicist/doctor/secretary/dentist" or something like that...and then cross your fingers and hope she decides to stay. It's not impossible for a BPD to stay in a field for years, I've definitely seen it - in part their "living one day at a time" means they don't really process how long they've been at the job...so even though they told themselves at hiring it was just for three months...three years later they're still giggling that they're going to quit in a few months, etc. The good news is on the horizon though, the vast majority of pwBPDs will improve with age; they'll still have BPD but they'll be much better able to manage it - I think usually you'll see the improvements by 25 even if they don't have a job/spouse/calling in life...I'm not sure there's a great explanation of it, personality disorders are obviously still a field little-understood in many ways. Title: Re: Don’t know what to do struggling Post by: wendydarling on April 10, 2021, 10:04:34 PM Hi Shesinthere :hi: I join Pearls welcoming you.
I understand it's really hard for both of you - it is natural for your DD to strive for for independence and it's hard for you to watch your DD struggling. I agree with Pearls the new job maybe overwhelming, too bigger step for her. That she is looking for work is positive. The question is how long do you plan to help out financially while she's looking for a job, setting a time limit will be helpful for both of you. What happens when your DD is on the 'brink', reaches crisis? Glad you found us :hug: WDx Title: Re: Don’t know what to do struggling Post by: Sheisinthere on April 11, 2021, 03:09:55 PM Generally in a crisis she starts with not sleeping well which has started happening now. Where she is staying is overful and not that she tell me but I am not sure she has a designated sleeping area. She has a lot of creature comforts at home and routine as we are a working household so we go to bed early and wake up early.
When she goes into crisis it is generally angry and frustrated that she is unable to do all she wants to achieve. She has always been very independent and the BPD traits only started to come out about 2 years ago and 1 year of it being bad and hard to manage. We have been able to avoid many of her outbreaks by validation before it get to bad. She has had 1 episode of disassociation and we ended up calling an ambulance. She did ask me to help her with medication yesterday can we speak to her phychartrist to change because she believes the medication stops her from sleeping and the sleeping medication makes her not be able to get up. She is keen to take the job mainly because it will assist in her.independence. She know she can come home as long as she adheres to basic boundaries. Although she is not at home we talk everyday and she see us 1-2 times a week. We love her and we just want her to be well whatever that looks like. I have slowly started to let go of the ideals I had regarding how things were going to turn out for her and have started to accept that I no longer have control and just need to accept the things we can not change. I also need to be careful that I don’t allow bpd to consume me I spend most waking hours and some when I should be sleeping researching and reading trying to find ways to help her and get her into treatment, it’s heart breaking and exhausting. |