BPDFamily.com

Hi! I just wanted to introduce myself. I have a boyfriend who struggles with complex PTSD and BPD. We lived together for the first 4 years of our relationship but the symptoms of BPD were affecting my life and my children’s lives in a way that made it very unhealthy for us to live in the same house together. It wasn’t until I broke off the relationship that my boyfriend decided to take counseling seriously and we are now in a relationship but living apart. I am trying to learn about how best to support his progress in therapy and am reaching out for the first time to an online community.

Hi there, and welcome!

This is a really great place - super non-judgmental and people with lots of experience. You sound like you are in a stable place right now. Hang on to it and remember what it feels like, because PTSD takes time to work through and there will be times that you will need to get in touch with what it feels like to feel stable to make sense of what is happening in the moment.

You are asking for learning how to best support him.  Paradoxically, much of the answer to that question will lie in learning about yourself.  Are you now or have you ever been in therapy for yourself. What are the major lessons about yourself from that?

From there, are there some specific questions you have?

Finally, beyond the resources here, I would suggest that you read "DBT Made Simple" a very accesible book for therapists on DBT. It's available on AMAZON. It will help you understand part of the process of obtaining healing in cases such as this.  Also you can research some of the basics of ACT - especially the ACT hexaflex.  That will also shed light on the dispostion you will need to adopt for the long term. If you can appraoch this like a life long condition that needs to be managed, rather than "fixed" (like diabetes or crohns for example) then you're on the right track.

One step at time here. Time is your ally.

Reach out any time.

And again... welcome.

Rev

Thank you for those suggestions Rev! I am currently in therapy for myself (as is my boyfriend) and we are also going in for a couples counseling session every other week... Our therapist has been extremely helpful and I don't think we would be together without her guidance. This (and living separately) has been a tremendous help in getting me on the right track to reconnecting with myself and what I want in life, while also being a supportive SO for my BPD partner. I will look into the book you mentioned - and thank you!