BPDFamily.com

I'm highly suspicious that my roommate has BPD and wanted to ask others about it. For context, we are both college students living in an apartment together.

From what I perceive, she seems to have very intense and erratic emotional responses to things I wouldn't think are a big deal? For example, we were walking back to her car after going shopping and I got to the car first and tried to open the passenger car door or really just "test" to see if the car door handle was unlocked by pulling on it twice. Well we got in the car and I got yelled at and berated because she didn't like the noise it made, she found it extremely rude, and she was scared I would break the door handle off. I was flummoxed, because this seems at worst a pet peeve, not something worth yelling about?

There was also the time I had gone to a doctor appointment and had taken an uber there. I knew she had the day off from all responsibilities and was home, so I called real quick to see if she could possible come pick me up. I had fed her cat the last few nights and had helped her carry up a bunch of heavy things from her car earlier, so I figured it's not a big deal to just ask to see if she could come pick me up. Well I called and barely finished my sentence because she started screaming at me that she needed to go buy bread in this moment and why can't I just come with her. I hanged up. The appointment was only a 5 - 10 minute drive away. She wasn't under any obligation to come pick me up, though I do tons of small favors for her all the time, but I don't think I needed to be screamed at for simply asking for a small request.

So those are just some examples, though I'd say she had an at least weekly rage meltdown in our apartment over well honestly anything. She was mad at a man, mad at college, family, etc. Interestingly, she says she hates it when people yell or scream at her, but she seems to have no issue doing it to others. What's so weird about them though was how she could be just mopey during the day, having a rage fit that night, and then the next afternoon be in the mood to go party. She makes fun of me for being such an old man, but being trapped with someone having unpredictable rage fits, is a bit exhausting.

So all of that is kind of exhausting and I got on guard hella fast because of it. I noticed pretty quickly that I was flattening my emotions out so I wouldn't give her more embers to provoke her reactions. She also kept saying I'm autistic and saying I don't like crowds, which isn't accurate. I don't like crowds right now because of the pandemic, but I had gone to a concert with her quite a long time ago so I have no idea where she got this idea. Also I have family members with autism, so I'm familiar with it and I know I don't fit the diagnosisitc criteria. However, she has been super insistent about it for months, which I don't understand why.

In general she makes no sense to me. I've heard her refer to herself as "demi-sexual" (sort-of asexual for those unfamiliar), but also repeatedly look for friends with benefits. Those things are contradictory so I don't understand why she thinks she's demisexual if she also complains about not having sex in 4 weeks... Also she claims to be so worried about catching covid and repeatedly berates me to not give it to her, but also impulsively goes over to a house of 6 different people who all have separate friends and work places, which doesn't seem the most safe, especially when she trashes them as irresponsible all the time, including her sort of friend with benefit, boyfriend who she had meltdowns over several times a week for months.

Honestly there is so much more to say, but these behaviors are a bit odd right? I won't be living with her again anyways, but I'm a bit worried about leaving her since she seems to act so intensely about things.

'She also kept saying I'm autistic and saying I don't like crowds, which isn't accurate. I don't like crowds'

A lot of your post sounded familiar to me, but especially the autistic part. I am seeing a common thread on the posts here. We tend to shutdown emotionally so as to try to diffuse or limit the rage factor in the relationship.  The BPD spins it around and tries to make us seem like the one with all the issues.  From my experience the expression Tornado or whirlwind effect in these relationships is fitting.

It sounds like you have a certain level of anxiety living with her anyway?

I mean she used to scream about needing a gun, even though we live in a really safe area, so I just don't really trust her.

grid,
Are you going home the summer? That would put some distance between the two of you. Most likely in that amount of time , she will have attach herself to someone else.
Good luck!
B53

That's one of the most frustrating things about them, I think. The double standards, the way they go on and on about their own suffering and how wronged they have been by everyone, whilst they have no problem with and don't seem to worry about the suffering they cause to others.


I can relate to this. My ex "friend" also used to say that I had problems, that I was cold and that I didn't offer him the same level of intimacy that he offered me, that I did not share enough. I don't think they understand naturally reserved people. Of course you're not going to feel comfortable revealing them every tiny detail about your life, or every emotion you have, as everything can (and will) be used against you during the next argument. Anyway, they will do that. They will tell you that you're the one with the problem. He said I was abnormal because I didn't show that much emotion, but the one time day I did cry, he said I was hysterical. You just can't win. Anyway, chances are someone else will soon get her attention.