BPDFamily.com

One of the posts I read just now started this trail of thought for me, and I wanted to post this anecdote.

I often find that pwBPD try to push buttons until they get the response they are looking for, which is usually rage or anger or hurt. They want to create this in us, to make themselves feel like we are on equal footing. They already have these feelings internally about themselves.

A while back, we were in an argument and pwBPD said to me "why are you acting like this, were you bullied in high school?" I don't even remember what the trigger was - I think I had asked her to try to not be drunk at the event we had scheduled that afternoon. When she said this, it was clear to me what was going on - she was probing for psychological weaknesses of mine and was just randomly trying out things to see if they would send me into a rage. I knew she would keep trying until she found something that I reacted to, and I didn't want to drag out this particular conversation.

I replied "yes... I was bullied in high school." (I was not bullied in high school.)She actually stopped, seemingly satisfied that she had created enough hurt and pain, and after a few minutes said something comforting like "well you're better than the bullies now".

Fast forward a few weeks and she started to use that "secret" against me. Now, in arguments, she would say "I can see why you were bullied in high school because you're weak!" (she uses worse language, and again, I was not bullied in high school.)

She seems proud of this psychological "trigger" she was able to find and occasionally it pops back up, even when I think she's forgotten about it.

It's funny and sad to me because she wants these things to be hurtful and cause me pain, but this particular one isn't real. She's even used this when talking to my friends - "oh you know he was bullied in high school" - inappropriate for her to be sharing with friends but also my friends look confused - "I'll explain later," I tell them.

I've even told her honestly that I really wasn't bullied in high school and explained that I just said yes during that argument because I didn't know what else to say and I'm sorry for lying - she doesn't "believe" me and just says "it's ok, you don't have to hide it from me".

So that's my story of how I accidentally "acquired" this psychological problem of being bullied in high school. It's funny, but also has given me insight into how pwBPD are relating to others.